Even though the Iowa caucus is only 72 hours away, I'm still reeling from last week. I'm referring to Sarah Palin's endorsement of GOP front-runner Donald Trump in a twenty minute, shrill and bizarre rant.
As I write this on Thursday morning, Trump is boycotting the Fox News/Google debate scheduled later this evening. It would seem that Trump is afraid of mean Megyn Kelly. Ted Cruz joked, “If she asks him mean questions, Donald's hair might stand on end.”
Some are calling Trump “Donald Duck” for “ducking” the debate. And Rand Paul labeled him, “A delusional narcissist, orange-faced windbag.”
As for Palin's rant in Iowa, Comedy Central's Larry Wilmore observed, “The only thing Palin hates more than Obama is punctuation.” Frankly, Palin's rambling confirmed what I've long suspected... Sarah smokes pot!
I know pot generally mellows people and Palin is annoyingly hyper. But Google “Palin resignation speech” and you decide. Better yet, Google “Shatner Performs Palin.”
With a bongo player in the background, William Shatner delivers two minutes of Palin's speech verbatim like it's beat poetry. (Maybe Palin was channeling her “inner Alan Ginsberg.”)
A frightening thought, Trump wants Palin in his cabinet! (I'm biting my tongue as I type, which would explain any typos.)
In 2009, Palin earned the nickname “Quitter in Chief” when she resigned as Alaska's governor, barely halfway through her first term. Some suggested that seeing the bright lights of Broadway made it difficult for Sarah to return to 40-watt Wasilla.
Others say it was the fortune she could make (and did) from a book deal and a reality TV show. Personally, I'm sticking with my pot theory. (If only I could find a Sarah selfie of her munching Doritos.)
Palin's Trump endorsement came 24 hours after her son, Track, was arrested. He was charged with 4th-degree assault, interfering with the report of a domestic violence crime and possession of a firearm while intoxicated. (Is that all?)
Track, who spent a year deployed in Iraq, said the couple argued after he learned his girlfriend was in touch with an ex-boyfriend. As if to say, “She started it,” he claimed that she hit him in the eye with an elbow.
With a blood alcohol of 0.189, Track reportedly punched his girlfriend in the face, brandished an AR-15 and threatened suicide as she cowered under the bed. And yet Palin rushed off to endorse Trump? Go figure.
In her speech, we learned two things: One, Palin doesn't seem to know the difference between “squirmish” and “skirmish.” And two, she's absolutely shameless.
In alluding to Track's PTSD, Palin inexplicably blamed it on Obama's “lack of respect for veterans.” And keep in mind there are credible reports that Track did NOT see a day of combat.
Understandably, veteran groups were offended. Paul Rieckhoff, of the non-partisan Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA) encouraged Palin “to resist the urge to politicize” PTSD. Decorated Marine, Chris Mark, a republican, suggested Palin educate herself on PTSD “rather than turning it into a political football.”
Also coming under criticism was Palin's political action committee. An e-mail from “SarahPac” to her millions of followers immediately after the Trump endorsement read, “In order to get Sarah to political events we need your help.” (Can't The Donald pop for bus fare?)
It seems a betrayal by Palin to support Trump, given John McCain's steadfast loyalty to her. He still says picking Palin as his 2008 VP was the best decision of his life. (I wonder what wife Cindy thinks of that.)
Trump, of course, infamously said, disrespectfully of McCain, “I prefer my heroes not captured.” Especially given that, during Vietnam, Trump partied while McCain was tortured for six years in the Hanoi Hilton.
Last weekend Trump boasted, “I could stand on Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any voters.” His campaign said he was just joking. A month ago he also joked about “killing journalists.” Some sense of humor.
Back in Wasilla. Track's arrest, wasn't the first run-in with the law for the Palins. In 2014, at a neighbor's birthday party, Bristol and Track threw punches. (Though not at each other.) In fact, after issuing a barrage of anti-gay slurs, Track wound up with a black eye. Poetic justice?
Police concluded that, “alcohol was involved.” (Surprise, surprise.) Reportedly, on the audio of the melee, Sarah is heard screaming, “Do you know who we are?”
Ludicrous in retrospect, in introducing Palin at that Iowa rally, Trump bragged that her family was “incredible!” I suppose it depends on your definition of incredible.
Some adore Sarah Palin while others can't stand the sound of her whining. (Guess which side I'm on.) But, if past is prologue, I have a feeling there will be more Palin rants. And, of course, that's always great news for Tina Fey. You betcha!
Jack is at facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and jnsmdp@aol.com.
