Based in Chicago, The Onion is a newspaper organization that publishes satirical articles on international, national, and local news. In 1988, it originated as a very funny weekly print publication in Madison, Wisconsin. In 1996, The Onion began publishing online and in 2007, it became The Onion News Network. In 2013, however, The Onion ceased publishing its print editions and is now only available online.
The Onion is brilliant but it appears increasingly difficult to write satire when reality is even more absurd than fiction. For example, we have a POTUS who promised to reveal his tax returns “once the audit is completed.” It's obvious now, however, there was no audit. At least why not show us the paperwork from the IRS that there was an audit and/or show us returns from previous years? Not for “Don the Con.”
It's tough to lampoon a POTUS who shepherds the longest government shutdown in history over a concrete sea to shining sea wall with “a big fat beautiful door in the middle that “Mexico will pay for.” (Repeated over 20 times since 2015!) In the 1980's it was “Where's the beef?” Today it could be “Where's the pesos?”
The POTUS insists he never said “Mexico will write a check,” but in fact he did. “It’s an easy decision for Mexico: make a one-time payment of $5-10 billion to ensure that $24 billion continues to flow into their country year after year.”
And then there's the thousands upon thousands of children separated at the border, many of whom will never see their parents again. Now the Administration is suggesting even if they could find the parents, removing the children from their “foster” homes would be traumatic. (Putting kids in cages wasn't traumatic?)
So many things this president does can bring me to tears, far worse than chopping an onion. Other times he's such a buffoon, I have to laugh. An example is this past Tuesday, when Donald Trump took a break from his “executive time” (watching TV and eating junk food) to give a poorly written, disjointed and inaccurate State of the Union. Talk about a gasbag, it was also one of the longest on record, an excruciating 1 hour and 29 minutes. At best it was boring. Put it this way, it made the Super Bowl look exciting. (Spoken like a dejected Rams fan.)
No one would say Trump demonstrated silver tongue oratory talent. A “forked tongue” is more like it. Steven Colbert of the Late Show said of the long-winded address, “What Trump's speech lacked in quality it made up in length. It was like watching paint lie.”
When Trump referred to Congress' “ridiculous, partisan investigations” it was reminiscent of Richard Nixon's 1974 SOTU. “"I believe the time has come to bring the Watergate investigation and the other investigations of this matter to an end. One year of Watergate is enough." Six months later Nixon was flown away in a helicopter never to return to the White House. They say history repeats itself. I can only hope so, only maybe speed it up a little.
I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when Trump called for “a spirit of unity.” It's funny because only hours before he called Chuck Schumer, “A nasty son of a bitch.” What did Schumer do, kneel during the National Anthem? Also hours before, I could almost cry as Trump was still attacking the late John McCain. The man was a hero, PLUS he's dead! Apparently, revenge to Trump, goes past the grave. #Sick.
The SOTU has always been political theater. But it was pretty bizarre watching the GOP legislators popping up and down like Jacks in the Box. Except, for Mitch McConnell. Go figure that one. Also weird was when Trump said menacingly, “If there's going to be peace and legislation, there can not be war and investigation.” Instead of the thundering applause and standing ovation Trump was clearly expecting, there was an audible groan as everyone was glued to their seats. #It Bombed.
A more positive reaction occurred when Trump said, “I am proud to be the first President to include a plan for nationwide paid family leave — so that every new parent can bond with their newborn child.” That seemed more than a tad hypocritical. I say that because when Baron was born, Trump was bonding with a porn star.
Even when Trump pretends to talk about “unity,” there's always a threat in the air. He sounds like the mob boss he's always wanted to be. And, when he wears that ridiculous overcoat, which seems like always, a poor man's mob boss is exactly what he looks like. Godfather Trumpelone. It's as though he's mumbling to Americans, “You've got a nice little country here. It'd be a shame if something happened to it.”
Jack is at: facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and jackdailypress@aol.com
