Projecting your self
Today, let us kick off with a quote from "Buzzcut Season," a song by New Zealand sensation, Lorde: "... and nothing's wrong when nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you."
And with that fellow Gen Y'ers, we invite you to take a look at your own personal hologram. First of all we need to be aware that our thoughts are a projection of the way we see the world, our own reality or fantasy, therefore the hologram we are referring to here is the projection of our minds. With that awareness, how can we apply it to our dating lives? Well, let's take one common scenario: you meet someone who takes you by surprise and you have an instant connection. All along you think to yourself: wow, this is too good to be true.
Where is the drama that usually goes along with meeting someone new, like when is he going to call, or why does it take her so long to respond?
Most of all, can love really be that easy? Again, the answer is ... yes, of course it can, in fact it should be that simple when you meet the person who is right for you — no games, no drama, no confusion! So how is it that after you spend more time and are just getting to know each other, things suddenly seem to spiral downhill, and before you know it, you find yourself confused, angry and despaired at the realization that you let something good slip away. You wonder what happened, and why does this keep happening to you?
Well, the good news is the universe has received your wish to find love. However, when it presents you with an opportunity, you not only have to be open to receiving it, you also have to align your vibration with that positive energy. You feel great for a while until you push the panic button. Maybe I'm blinded by love, maybe this euphoria is clouding my vision? What is it that I'm not seeing? Am I neglecting myself? Am I even ready to commit? What if I get hurt?
Once we begin to over analyze, we need to come up with a plan, we have to strategize our next move. This is what we call over thinking and it not only leads us to go nuts, moreover we are no longer allowing ourselves to go with the flow. We no longer let the positive, natural current guide us. We project our own fears onto each other and we focus on the negative rather than on the positive only to find ourselves saddened at the end of the day, and finally throw our hands up in defeat and say "see, it was too good to be true."
The reason we are getting these results is because that's what we focused on all along, rather than going with the flow and enjoying the ride. So by the law of this universe, we naturally attract a negative outcome.
We try to take control of the situation, not realizing that we are coming from a place of fear, not realizing that we are now focusing on the negative until that's all we can see. We let our ego hijack our minds and we subconsciously shift the dynamic of our relationships. By over analyzing everything, we are taking ourselves out of the present moment and sabotage ourselves to a point of ruining the chance of true love.
When we had this discussion with a friend over dinner, she said that she can see how this relates to her, but what about people who are rational and act according to a textbook? Well, we say, that's analyzing all the same, only in an emotionally detached way. It takes you out of the moment.
Love is not blind, ego is.
Ultimately, this behavior of projecting fear is the result of past experiences, or rather trauma. When you can't enter a new encounter with a clean slate, you must clear out that negative energy, let the pain leave your subconscious mind and heal your old wounds so you can let happiness enter your life.
Exercise
Sit down, close your eyes and observe your thoughts. Think about what it is you're feeling, and notice how it originates from fear. Then picture an outcome, the worst case scenario which you fear, try to really experience it, and feel it. On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate that pain? When you let yourself experience and feel the pain, in a fictional scenario, you are confronting your fears without trying to fix or control anything, or run away. Realizing that our feelings are a mere association with our thoughts, whether memories of the past or future worries. We realize that there are no problems but the stories we tell ourselves and that ultimately no one else is capable of hurting us but ourselves. We are in charge, and have always been. It's our own hologram!
Once you open your eyes, you are back in the now, where there is no past and no future. How do you feel in that present moment? Are you comfortable? Are you grateful? Focus on whatever it is that keeps you in the moment, where there is no memory, no worry, only love and peace.
When you are able to cherish moments and look at them as events in your life you no longer fall victim to your mind's trap.
So, ladies and gentlemen, keep calm and go with the flow. And remember all is well.
Simone is pursuing her master's degree in psychology and serves on the Commission for the Senior Community. She prides herself on having had more marriage proposals than shoes. She can be reached at sgordon1@uoregon.edu. In her inner circle, Limor, a screenwriter, is known as the "wing woman" and her cell number has become the hotline for dating advice. You can reach her at limorygottlieb@gmail.com.
