While a break-up is no laughing matter, the art lies in finding the humor and looking on the bright side. However we, driven by our egos, tend to take ourselves way too seriously. When a relationship has reached its end, our wounded egos are replaying the scenario over and over, trying to find an answer when there really is no answer to be found. We're able to blow the smallest things out of proportion and get so wrapped up in our own drama that we forget about the bigger picture. We begin to wonder, what is the bigger picture?
Let's start with the day we were born and then skip forward to the day we die. We all have that in common, and can relate to it. We are born alone and we die alone. In a physical sense that is, which means life is short, or long, however you choose to look at it, but the bottom line is you only live once, YOLO, which has become our generation's motto. Don't get us wrong, we are not saying that nothing matters because we all end up dying one day. We are simply pointing out the bigger picture, which is we are all here on a personal journey. This life is our own adventure, and in the end we are measured by our experiences.
When we realize that everything we are going though is a personal challenge, the more obstacles we face, the more we can grow. When we take responsibility, we can't blame other people for our misfortune. In fact, our feelings of resentment will quickly be replaced by gratitude. We can appreciate other people in our lives, and especially the ones who challenge us, because those relationships are the ones that will help us grow the most. That doesn't mean that we should put up with disrespect or endure abuse, but rather that we are not victims and can choose to walk away, without holding on to any grudges.
As Eckhart Tolle says, "It is our birthright to be happy." Unfortunately, many of us don't realize that we hold things or other people accountable for our happiness and therefore our problems. Every time we retreat into our minds and feel anxious and uneasy, it's a sign that something isn't right, and we need to alter either our attitude toward the circumstances or the circumstances themselves. Whether it is out of boredom or an addiction to drama, it is ultimately all fear based. We are scared of letting go. But if we only live once, what are we afraid of?
More importantly, why are we wasting our precious time over-thinking and creating problems instead of living fully? We can be problem free and happy; the question is how. It comes down to taking control of our minds. Our ego will always be there, our thoughts will never go away, that's part of the human experience, and a lot of times we need to think, and analyze our environment; when we make decisions, our analytical mind can be our best friend.
But just like a best friend, the ego is not perfect, and it has a dark side, and how do we react to it? We ego-beat ourselves up about it, or we let it drag us down. Another way of dealing with it, which a lot of us are guilty of, is ignoring it, through medication, sleep or over-stimulation. The problem with that is, no matter what you do, it is still there and sooner or later it will come back to haunt you. All these options do not benefit us in establishing a healthy relationship with our ego, and we need to realize that we must, because this is the most important relationship in our lives.
So what to do? The beauty is, we don't need to do anything; we don't need to fix it. We just acknowledge and accept it through observation and awareness. We surrender!
When it comes to break ups, it means that something didn't work out, that it wasn't right, whether you are ready to admit this to yourself or not. If you are strong enough to let go of what no longer serves you, then you are opening yourself up to something new. If somebody leaves you, they are giving you the opportunity to start anew, and a chance to grow and evolve.
Exercise
Take a moment to think about everything you've been through and who you are now because of that. Think about all the big events and obstacles in your life that helped you grow and become the person you are today and extend your gratitude toward the universe for all these experiences. Then send love and light to the people in your life, past or present, who challenge you, for they too are there to help you grow as a person. Try to envision them surrounded by white, bright light, for they too are suffering beings and need to heal.
When we stop holding on to the past, an ideal we have created in our minds, or a story we have convinced ourselves of, we not only let go of grudges and bad feelings that don't serve us, we also stop fighting our destiny. We acknowledge that everything is temporary and we will come out of it as a stronger, wiser person.
Have faith in the bigger picture and slow dance. And remember, all is well.
Simone is pursuing her master's degree in psychology and serves on the Commission for the Senior Community. She prides herself on having had more marriage proposals than shoes. She can be reached at sgordon1@uoregon.edu. In her inner circle, Limor, a screenwriter, is known as the "wing woman" and her cell number has become the hotline for dating advice. You can reach her at limorygottlieb@gmail.com
