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Home Opinion Columns

Laughing Matters – Kicking and Screaming

by Jack Neworth
November 13, 2020
in Columns, Featured, Laughing Matters, News, Opinion
Local students create star studded charity concert series

As President Joe Biden is being inaugurated, Donald Trump is "escorted" from the White House. Courtesy image.

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Recently Vanity Fair reported Donald Trump allegedly commented the Secret Service would have to drag him out of the White House kicking and screaming. Critics say he’s a sore loser but he’s also a sore winner. In May 2017 he set up a voter fraud commission to prove he’d won the 2016 popular vote. Finding zero evidence, in January 2018 the commission was disbanded. (Duh.)

Biden might wind up with 306 electoral votes, ironically the same Trump received in 2016 that he bragged was the “greatest electoral landslide since Reagan.” A reporter noted Obama received more. Trump snapped, “I meant the largest Republican landslide!” The reporter then noted George H.W. Bush received more. Trump replied defiantly, “I just repeated what someone told me, okay?!”

Right before Trump’s inaugural address I remember naively thinking that since he wasn’t really a Republican maybe Trump could get deals done. That is until his dystopian Steven Miller/Steve Bannon-written speech. Despite nationwide crime and illegal border crossings at 50-year lows, Trump began, “The American carnage stops right here!” (Reportedly, George W. Bush whispered to Michelle Obama sitting next to him, “Can you believe this sh*t?”)

Trump is losing the popular vote by over five million and will become the only president in history to lose the popular vote twice! Trump is not only refusing to concede he’s suing in four states claiming “massive voter fraud” for which he provides no evidence other than his tweets are in all caps! (All flagged by Twitter as “disputed.”) Trump’s claims are so baseless that when Press Secretary Kaleigh McEnany tried to repeat them she was cut off by... Fox News!

After Biden was declared “President-elect” the happy dancing in the U.S. and even worldwide was like a dictator had been toppled. However, Trump’s post-election insanity such as purging the Pentagon, firing his Defense Secretary and leaders of three agencies that oversee the nuclear weapons stockpile, is extremely alarming. I was hoping to return to writing about anything other than Trump but now I’m like Al Pacino in Godfather III, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

Biden has received congratulations from most world leaders but curiously none from murderous dictators like N. Korea’s Kim Jong-un, China’s Xi and the Saudi Crown Prince. Meanwhile Putin seems philosophical about the U.S. election, “You rig some, you lose some.” (Okay, that quote I made up.)

Still fearful of Trump’s 72 million voters, only 4 Republican Senators have publicly congratulated Biden. (Though privately many have.) Meanwhile, the aforementioned former White House adviser, Steve Bannon, out on $5 million bail for allegedly defrauding crowd funding donors of $25 million to build a southern border wall, has gone insane.

Bannon podcasted he wants to behead infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci and put Fauci’s head and FBI Director Christopher Wray’s on pikes at “two corners of the White House as a warning to federal bureaucrats.” (His lawyer immediately withdrew from the fraud case.)

Instead of being gracious as every losing presidential nominee in modern history has, Trump’s apparently influenced his GSA administrator who declined to allow Biden transition funds. For our national security Biden should absolutely have access to the President’s Daily Brief and the latest corona virus data so he can hit the ground running but isn’t getting either. What could go wrong? A study of 9/11 concluded that the 2000 election counting in Florida that dragged on might have contributed to our government’s lack of preparedness.

As the Covid-19 rages like wildfire, Trump’s pouting and plotting God knows what. He hasn’t been to a briefing since mid-October and Mike Pence, the head of the task force, is on vacation in Florida. (Meanwhile, 7 days after the election, Eric Trump tweeted to Minnesota to “get out and vote” but did manage to spell Minnesota correctly.)

The Trump era began with the 2015 Trump Tower escalator ride and speech in which he proclaimed “Mexicans are murderers and rapists.” In 2017, following a Nazi rally at Charlottesvile, Trump said, “There are fine people on both sides.” Perhaps the grand finale of his failed re-election campaign was a disastrous 11th-hour press conference given by Rudy Giuliani in Philadelphia.

Trump tweeted it would be at the Four Seasons Hotel but it was actually held in front of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping warehouse in a seedy commercial neighborhood situated between “Fantasy Island” adult book store and a crematorium. As Covid deaths in pass 240,000, ever the con artist Trump is mass emailing and texting his base for cash to fight the election results. (In fine print it says 60% can go to pay down his campaign debt.)

Two final thoughts. Fantasy Island book store might be ideal for the Trump Presidential Library. And if Trump is dragged out of the White House kicking and screaming, I only hope it’s live streamed.

Go to YouTube and type “Rudy’s Four Season Press Conference.” For non-stop laughing visit twitter.com/claudia_silver7/status/1325493923649781760?

On the not funny side, Google “Jon Voight calls for actual civil war.” Jack is at: jackdailypress@aol.com.

Tags: george bushmichelle obamapresident-elect joe bidensteve bannonTrump's last scamvanity fair

Jack Neworth

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