Dear Rachel,
My mother says I’m too picky because I only date women who are 10s. I’ll admit it: I’m spoiled when it comes to dating hot women. Why shouldn’t I be? I live in L.A., surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world. At least I’m not as materialistic as L.A. women, who only care about how much money a guy makes. I hate it when hotties turn me down for dates based on what kind of car I drive. Where can I find a supermodel who’s looking for a flat broke stallion like me?
Signed, Flat Broke Stud
Dear Flat Broke Stud,
Do you see the irony of criticizing women for being superficial while you brag about being superficial yourself? Just checking. These “superficial” women could just as easily use your excuses. “I’m spoiled when it comes to dating rich men. Why shouldn’t I be? I live in L.A., surrounded by the wealthiest men in the world. At least I’m not as superficial as L.A. guys who only date 10s.”
Do you get my drift? Obviously like attracts like because the women you choose are superficial like you. They want a guy with money and you want a hottie with a body. On a positive note, if you ever strike it rich, you’ll know exactly where to find your dream girls.
For your information, there are plenty of beautiful women in L.A. who aren’t materialistic, but those aren’t the women you choose, obviously. If you’re just looking for casual flings with hotties, I suggest you start making more money. Otherwise, your best chance of success is to take it down a notch and aim for beautiful, but slightly less superficial women until you strike it rich. At this point, it sounds like you only want the ultra flashy, super hotties, but, obviously, that’s not attainable right now. Ergo, you need to revise your mating strategy. If you aren’t attracting the women you want, change your technique and/or expand your pick-up spots beyond trendy bars and clubs.
As long as your only goal is to rack up supermodel conquests, you leave yourself no other option but to rake in more dinero. There is another option, but you’re probably not going to like it … you could cultivate some depth within yourself. If you do, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you attract a woman who wants more than a shiny car, and even more surprised when you fall for her in return — even though she’s only a 9.
Dear Rachel,
My male friends say I’m “whipped” because I let my wife call the shots. I consider myself an easygoing kind of guy and I like to make my wife happy. Do these qualities make me whipped?
Signed, Whipped
Dear Whipped,
Ask yourself these questions: Do you habitually disregard your own needs and desires to make your wife happy? Are you fearful of your wife’s temper/emotional outbursts if you don’t let her have her way all the time? Do you feel resentment toward your wife for calling the shots in all areas of your life? If you answered “yes” to any of the questions, you may be “whipped.”
You don’t have to act macho or beat your chest like Tarzan to be a man. However, taking initiative now and then is essential to maintaining a healthy rapport with your wife. Letting her call all the shots all the time throws off the equilibrium of your relationship dynamic and breeds resentment. She’ll resent you for being spineless and you’ll resent her for being too controlling.
On the other hand, by asserting healthy boundaries you can improve your relationship, and that can also rev up your sex life. From a woman’s point of view, it’s not sexy to walk all over your husband like a doormat, but it is sexy to see your husband display some gumption, guts, nerve, or chutzpah — different terms for the quality that’s a turn-on to women. You’ll feel confident and resentment-free for standing your ground, and you’ll gain increased respect and admiration from your wife.
If you’re used to avoiding confrontation in your marriage, it may feel uncomfortable the first time you exert some backbone. However, stick with it. Over time you’ll grow accustomed to expressing your bold side, which has lain dormant for too long. As long as you and your partner remain open-minded, it’s never too late to make improvements to your marriage. Warning: possible side effects of a more harmonious relationship may include increased joy, laughter and a more passionate sex life.
Rachel Iverson is a freelance writer, dating coach and author, who lives with her husband in Venice Beach. Her book, “Don’t Help A Man Be A Man: How To Avoid 12 Dating Time Bombs,” has been endorsed by Dr. John Gray, author of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” For more information on Rachel or her book, visit: www.rebelgirlpublishing.com. For dating advice, contact rachel@rebelgirlpublishing.com.
