Who is Dear John MD?
I have been involved in the helping and healing of individuals for the last 20 years. I dedicated my life to the practice of medicine. My pre-medical work included working as an emergency medical technician and finally a procurement transplant coordinator helping families decide whether or not to make the ultimate decision to gift their loved ones organs to let others live. During this time, I was a staunch atheist and spiritually disconnected. I treated my personal traumas and psychic pains with numbing, escapism, and addictive behaviors. My substance of choice was alcohol and my behavior of choice was sex. Despite my inner turmoil, I graduated with honors from my undergraduate education, secured honors in my surgical rotations during medical school, and ultimately attended my top choice of residency programs in general surgery, Keck School of Medicine of USC. Throughout residency, I was part of thousands of cases to help restore form, function, and save life. After residency, I remained dedicated to helping those afflicted by trauma. I worked at USC in academia under two surgical divisions. It was during this time I experienced my spiritual initiation on September 29, 2015. It took me falling to my knees, my life utterly shattered, before reckoning with the brutal reality that my actions did not reflect my values. A lifetime of self-destructive behaviors and coping mechanisms expressed through alcoholism and infidelities finally caught up to me. This dark-night of the soul was the beginning of my sacred dismantling. And, it was a gift.
During this time, I dove head first into self-transformation. I attended rehab for alcohol and sex addiction, joined the 12-step community of Alcoholics Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous, attended spiritual services, and fundamentally changed my life. I was involved in extensive therapy, sat in sacred ceremonies, and graduated from The Hoffman Process. I changed my diet to reflect mindful intent, no longer consuming for indulgence, but for nourishment and sustenance. I reconnected with my body, which had felt stagnant and static for years, 30 lbs overweight, and started running again. I created a community through support groups, podcasts, and books to fill the void from the friendships and family I lost. I consumed hundreds of books ranging from spiritual psychology, human development and behavior, addiction and mental health disorders, memoir, shamanism, mystical experiences and sacred psychedelic therapies.
It was throughout this self-development and reintegration that I eventually left my surgical academic appointment at USC to cut my teeth in central California as a trauma surgeon in a busy level II trauma center. Throughout my process of self-actualization, I felt I was able to connect and heal patients prior to touching them. In the subsequent 4 years, I treated thousands of patients all touched by the hands of trauma. But, this left me feeling empty, knowing there was more I could do; a deeper calling unanswered and awaiting.
Over my career in medicine, I’ve had the distinct privilege of helping and healing those in need for nearly two decades. I’ve been a conduit in the saving of human life, and witness to the compassionate ending of it as well. Felt the spilling of blood of people touched by the hands of hate and trauma. Throughout this time, I’ve experienced and endured the greatest challenges of my life. All of this while silently suffering; leading a duplicitous life with no exit in sight. Until that day; when it all fell apart. Confronted and exposed, I was forced to choose between living a lie or reclaiming my life. Stripped of my coping strategies, I struggled to answer two perennial questions: Who am I? What is my purpose? This was a gift, an opportunity to face and heal my own trauma. A chance to reclaim myself and my life. It was my hero’s journey.
During this initiation, after dedicating my life to the art of medicine, I was called to put the scalpel down and find a new way to heal. Accepting and surrendering to my reality, I got to work transmuting my suffering to wisdom to serve humankind. Throughout my journey, I was able to reclaim my life and integrate myself through 5 key pillars: integrity, nurturance, play, stillness, and community. In healing my soul, I claimed my inner abundance and honored my perfectly imperfect self. This was, and still is, my wholehearted journey of self-healing.
Once integrated and whole, I met a woman in divine synchronicity who further and forever changed my life. We consciously chose to adventure into love and relationship. In co-creating our love, we made each other better people; realizing we were healing each other in ways we hadn’t anticipated. The signs were apparent, literal, and loud. She changed lives through homes; I felt like I never belonged. I was a healer of trauma; she experienced many throughout her life. Relationship became the path towards a higher consciousness. Our conscious co-creation opened new doors to joy, healing, and love. A love far beyond our wildest dreams.
It is with these realizations and life experiences, guided by knowledge and wisdom gleaned from science and mysticism, that I reach out to heal with you. I’ve been fortunate enough to live a full range of life, through childhood trauma, marriage and divorce, academic failure to success, financial despair to freedom, addiction to recovery, and codependency to co-creating. I’ve experienced infidelity from all sides, both the victim and the adulterer. I’m a child of a divorce and created children of divorce. I’ve defined my life with lies and compartments and felt the restoration of my integrity through the disclosure of my truth. I’ve learned to love myself and love others more deeply. I’ve experienced the lowest lows and the highest highs. This has been my path of self-actualization, and finally, self-transcendence. It is time to birth a new paradigm of healing and love; to reclaim the self so we can co-create together.
We are all confronted with obstacles and difficulties that give rise to life’s perplexing questions. I want my messy life to be an invitation to you, to bring your messy life and complicated questions forward so you can be seen and heard. There is no judgment or criticism here, only shared humanity. Your privacy and anonymity are sacred to me and will not be shared to the public. Together, we can transform constricting patterns or beliefs into expansive opportunities. I want you to create the conditions for your best life to manifest through you.
With love and light, John Moos, MD