Ill Douche, Il Duce, Moscow Mitch and Beverly Hillbillies' "Granny."

In five days Joe Biden will be the 46th President of the United States. Unless of course, white supremacist insurrectionist MAGATS inflict more domestic terrorism as they did in their January 6 attack on the capitol. Or Trump resigns making Mike Pence the 46th POTUS. Demanding Pence overturn the electoral college results, he told his Vice-Poodle, “You can either go down in history as a patriot, or as a pu*sy.” (Wouldn’t it be the most poetic of justices if Pence refused to grant Trump his pardon.)

As we’ve witnessed for years, Trump always considers himself more “special” than anyone. In 2015, he was asked whom he consults for expertise and advice on foreign policy. To the bewilderment of the interviewer, Trump replied absurdly, “I consult my brain.”

This “special status” reveals itself in the pettiest of ways. For example, whenever there’s a State dinner at the White House, for dessert Trump insists on getting two scoops of ice cream while everyone else only gets one. If a mother saw her 5-year-old do that at her child’s birthday, she might insist, “Everyone gets one scoop and you get none.”

In our 244 year history we’ve had crooked, incompetent and racist presidents. But we’ve never had one with all three traits. Psychiatrists and psychologists have warned us with great alarm as in the 2017 book, “The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump;” or the 2018 “Trump on the Couch” by Dr. Justin A. Frank; or Mary Trump’s “Too Much and Never Enough.” Trump is clearly mentally ill and capable of taking the country down with him. Think about it. With the Biden inauguration only five days away, there are three times more American troops in Washington D.C. than in Afghanistan and Iraq combined.

Trump, the child king, is the only POTUS in history to lose the popular vote in two elections. (Ten million vote combined margin.) And now he’s the first Commander in Cheat to be impeached twice. This, the most bi-partisan impeachment ever, was for “inciting insurrection.” (So just like scoops of ice cream, Trump has twice as many impeachments as anybody.)

Shortly before the heinous attack, Trump whipped up his deranged cult, estimated to be 20,000 in number, into a frenzy promising he would join them in the walk to the Capitol. Since lying is his first nature, he slipped back to the White House and gleefully watched the treasonous assault on the hallowed buildings and our democracy on TV. (I wonder if while viewing the chaos he was also wolfing down KFC and Diet Cokes?)

The mob violence that Trump inspired caused the deaths of five people, including the brutal murder of a Capitol police officer, bludgeoned to death with a fire extinguisher. The disaster understandably terrified hundreds of members of Congress and the Senate, and appalled millions glued to their TVs and phones. Even ranking GOP House leader and Trump sycophant Kevin McCarthy admitted “President Trump bears responsibility and should have immediately done something to stop the violence.” Pathetically, Lindsey Graham pleaded with Congress to “show mercy to President Trump.” (Personally I’d rather introduce Trump’s face to the fire extinguisher.)

Remember Trump’s self-righteous indignation when quarterback Colin Kaepernick took a knee to protest police violence against people of color? Trump called him a “son of a bitch” and exclaimed, “He’s disgraced the flag.” Well, the Trump mob chanting “Hang Mike Pence,” with noose and gallows in place, and likely intent on assassinating Nancy Pelosi, American flags attached to poles to beat Capitol police.

Knowing Trump, he may be more upset by being banned from Twitter than being impeached. New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz’s latest column jokes that Trump still tweets but on plain paper which he has Don Jr. and Eric xerox and hand out on street corners. (There’s no truth that in the meantime, Trump’s tweeting on an Etch a Sketch.)

The impeachment will eventually go to the Senate for trial. This brings me to soon to be former Senate Majority Leader, “Moscow Mitch” McConnell, whom some say secretly wanted to be a stand-up comedian. (Okay, I made that up.)

McConnell proudly calls himself “The Grim Reaper,” because takes legislation passed by the House which might actually help Americans during the pandemic, and just let the bills die. He’s been among the biggest Trump enabler, but suddenly he’s let it be known he actually hates Trump. In fact, it’s reported he’s hoping the new Senate will convict Trump, causing him to lose his pension, his Secret Service and ban him from federal office forever.

I, of course, hope Trump winds up in prison under the felony murder rule. It wouldn’t surprise me if, on occasion, he conned guards to bring him two scoops of ice cream. I’d just like to be there when Trump tries to tell the other inmates they’re only getting one scoop.

Of a serious nature, please Google “Schwarzenegger condemns Trump as worst president ever.” And also “Jamie Raskin all the ways Trump has destroyed norms of American life.” Jack is at jackdailypress@aol.com.