File photo

With the worst second-quarter GDP plunge in history and 30 million Americans possibly losing unemployment benefits, watching Donald Trump makes me nauseous. No wonder he’s floating the idea of delaying the election. (However, the rumor is he’s already prepared to head for Florida with a new box of Sharpies.)

I do admit watching videos of Trump boasting about having “aced” his cognitive assessment test from two years ago is hilarious. And so was his crybaby complaint that Dr. Fauci is popular and he isn’t.

“Maybe it’s my personality,” Trump whined, proving, on occasion, he can tell the truth. (Hey, how about a 2020 Trump bumper sticker, “Nobody Likes Me?”)

I have a feeling Trump’s obnoxiousness began very early. I can picture little Donnie Johnny coming home from school and announcing, “I have the best words.”

In reality, it was at a 2015 rally and Trump was 69. Instead of “best words” he meant to say “best vocabulary.” (Evidently “vocabulary” isn’t in Trump’s vocabulary.)

Donnie Johnny could easily have bragged, “My friend says I’m a perfect person.” But Trump said that at 74-years-old and curiously failed to mention the friend’s name. (Unless it was an “imaginary” friend.)

Trump is most childlike when he learns a new word he uses endlessly. For a while it was “reciprocal,” or “reciprocity” which Trump even admitted, “Are my new favorite words.”

Often when Trump learns something, he narcissistically assumes only he possesses that knowledge. In 2017, at a Republican Congressional Committee Dinner, Trump opined, “Most people don’t know Lincoln was a Republican.” (When Trump says “most people,” he means himself.)

When Steve Bannon compared Trump to Andrew Jackson suddenly The Donald began posing for photo-ops in front of Jackson’s White House portrait. “Jackson was a strong man,” Trump said, “but with a big heart. And he was really angry about the Civil War.” (Jackson died 16 years before the Civil War.)

The first “Donnie Johnny” moment came right after the 2016 election when Trump boasted his was the “biggest electoral landslide since Reagan.” A reporter burst his bubble by noting Obama’s 2008 margin was greater. “I meant Republican!” Trump snarled.

The reporter then cited George H.W. Bush’s 1988 victory was greater Like a spoiled child, Trump whined, “Well someone told me that!”

Already a monster in the making, at 5, Donnie threw rocks at his 2-year-old neighbor outside in his playpen. In the second grade, he punched his music teacher. At 13, his box of switchblade knives was found hidden under his bed.

Fred Sr. immediately shipped his violence-prone son to military school. But, as would turn out unfortunate for the world, Donnie’s sadistic aggressiveness was rewarded and grew.

Sadly, this might explain “kids in cages” who likely will never find their parents and his storm-troopers’ tear gassing moms peacefully protesting systemic racism. (Lagging in the polls, Trump’s desperate to incite 1968-type violence that helped get Nixon elected.)

As for the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, apparently Trump asked Dr. Ronnie Jackson (who passed out pills to staffers like candy) if there was an acuity test. “He named it,” Trump said, “whatever it might be.” (Trump can’t remember the name of the memory test?!)

Trump’s Ph.D. clinical psychologist niece, Mary Trump, commented, “His bragging makes it likely he failed.” (Like his taxes, college transcripts and bone spurs, Trump has yet to provide proof he passed.)

Trump was proudest he could repeat “Person, Man, Woman, Channel and TV,” and “I got extra points for getting them in order.” (Donnie Johnny, did they give you a cookie, too?)

In an interview on Fox about the test, an almost giggling, Chris Wallace said, “Mr. President, it isn’t exactly hard.” Defensively, Trump insisted “The last five questions were really difficult!” (For the record, the final five are: what date, day, month and year it is, and what city the patient is in.)

That brings me to Trump’s tragic dereliction of duty mishandling of the pandemic with now over 150,000 Covid-19 deaths and no national plan. (Other than Trump still hyping Hdroxychloroquine.)

In fact, he lavished praise on Dr. Stella Immanuel, a black doctor who, 30 years ago, immigrated to the U.S. from Cameroon. (Wasn’t that one of Trump’s sh*thole countries?)

An adamant “anti-masker,” Dr. Immanuel insists she successfully treated 350 COVID patients with Hydroxy. In other videos, however, she claims alien DNA is at the root of our health issues and that sex with demons is toxic. (Now she tells me!)

Reading Mary’s book, I was reminded of when Chris Rock jokingly warned fathers with young daughters, “Give them love or one day they’ll wind up pole dancers.” But, as Mary documents, Fred Sr. only loved money.

So if Don had been born Dawn, instead of HE being the country’s worst president, SHE might have been the country’s most obese pole dancer.

Go to YouTube: “Sarah Cooper How to Person;” “Jimmy Fallon Trump Cognitive;” and “Immanuel Demon Seed” and get ready to laugh. Jack is at: jackdailypress@aol.com.