Coping with the shelter in place guidelines isn't easy but vital.

Here is a very short quiz. What day of the week is it? The only way I know is my column deadline. Fans occasionally will email “How do you do it every week?” whereas critics write, “Why do you do it?”

This week Georgia is going to “re-open,” and in May Vermont, West Virginia, Montana and Hawaii could do the same. However, On Good Morning America, Dr. Anthony Fauci emphatically said, “If states reopen their economies too quickly it’s going to backfire.” (Yikes!)

Also, CDC Director, Robert Redfield (unless Trump fires him) warns a 2nd wave of COVID-19 is likely to be more devastating. But Trump, who once bragged,“I know more than the Generals,” apparently knows more than the doctors. He recently tantrum tweeted residents of Michigan, Minnesota and Virginia to “liberate” their states encouraging insurrection against his own administration’s stay-at-home guidance.

“Why does he do this?” you ask. Why, instead of preparing for the pandemic, did he squander January and February by golfing and holding rallies calling the virus “a Democratic and media hoax?” Without testing and tracing that reveals how many cases are actually out there, relaxing guidelines and social distancing could be a disaster.

Curiously some businesses are prospering during the pandemic, including Amazon, DoorDash, Netflix and weed as reported in the L.A. Times, “Weeks of indoor isolation have meant boom times for the cannabis industry.” What’s next, DoorDash home delivering pot? (Also, I have this paranoid fear robbers could enter a bank wearing a mask and just blend in.)

At the Shores apartment complex where I live, we’ve lost use of the TV rooms, the building libraries, the gym, the pool and chairs in the lobbies. On the other hand, the elevators seem faster. (On the rare occasion I see someone in the elevator, given my COVID-19 phobia, I almost flinch.)

Thankfully, everyone at the Shores are wearing masks in our common areas, but it can be embarrassing not recognizing a neighbor. Unless, of course, tenants wore masks with their apartment number on it. (I’m clearly suffering from cabin fever, albeit in a 17 story high rise.)

Back to masks, I’m considering wearing mine indoors. Not to protect from infecting myself, but to stop me from EATING! My 6-foot social distancing should be from my refrigerator. (Drum roll please, or in my case, egg roll please.)

My daily schedule includes eating, napping, writing, and eating again. My wardrobe consists of t-shirts and 3 pairs of sweat pants. One for daytime, one for sleep and my best pair for getting the mail.

With the gym closed, I take a 6-mile bike ride daily. It’s actually an excellent work out because my bike is old and clunky and therefore requires extra effort to go fast. (On some days “old and clunky” could also describe me.)

Back to hand washing, they say to do it for 20 seconds, or the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice. Once I actually sang it and I felt like Pee Wee Herman. It’s a bit ironic that decades ago, futurists predicted by 2020 we might have cars that could fly and instead we’re getting instructions on how to wash our hands.

Thankfully, my ex forgot her cooking timer. So I took it into the bathroom and set it to 20 seconds before washing my hands. (In retrospect, I wish she had forgotten a case of toilet paper.)

Trump supporters, please skip to the next paragraph. Everyone else, Google “YouTube Roy Zimmerman The Liar Tweets Tonight.” With already over 1 ½ million views, If I’ve failed to make you laugh, Roy’s brilliant song won’t.

Before I go, let me give a sincere shout out to the true heroes of the pandemic, the health care providers and essential workers. They deserve the PPE and equipment they desperately need and also our undying admiration.

And let’s appreciate how incredibly lucky we are to live in a city so close to a beautiful beach where, on the sidewalks, we’re able to take walks and watch the sunsets. Even quarantined, listening to music, quality time with family, reading a book, sharing hope with others, singing and laughing, none have been canceled.

On February 27, Trump infamously said, “In April the coronavirus will magically disappear.” (If only he would.) He also predicted that “Soon there will be zero cases.” As of 4/23, in the U.S. there have 842,624 COVID-19 cases tragically resulting in 46,875 deaths. Trump made his absurd predictions relying on his “gut.” (Which seems to be getting more ample every day.)

As this is beyond depressing, I’m reminded of George Harrison’s profound lyric, “All things must pass.” (Given COVID-19, I just hope it’s not me.) Lastly, for all of us, please follow the shelter in place and social distance guidelines. And, oh yes, today is Friday. I think.

Roy is at: Jack is at:

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1 Comment

  1. I like “the robbers could enter a bank and just blend in”. Possibly a career detour for me.

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