My refrigerator broke down the day before Trump has a meltdown

The world is clearly breathing slightly easier now that it appears WWIII, or even a war between the U.S. and Iran, is considerably less likely. For now at least. Especially so close to the holidays, for three very long days it was borderline trauma time for everyone except for war hawks, like John “I want to testify” Bolton. (My rhetorical retort is, “So who’s stopping you?” other than “Moscow” Mitch, “Leningrad” Lindsay and 50 GOP spineless Senators who instead of asking, “What did the President know and when did he know it?” chant, “Tax cuts.”)

It was a nerve wracking week as to what we might wake up to each morning. Plus, I had another trauma, albeit not exactly in the same league. After 10 flawless years of service, my fridge went on the fritz. (I imagine it’d be tough to be named “Fritz” and have your moniker associated with things breaking down.)

Of the two “traumas,” I will face the faulty fridge before I ponder our painfully perplexing POTUS. (Okay, okay, I’ll knock of the alliterations.)

Just prior to Christmas I noticed an unpleasant odor coming from the refrigerator. I hurriedly tossed out leftovers seemingly left a few days too long and thought problem solved. A day later when entertaining friends, I went to get some ice for our drinks and discovered trays filled with more water than ice. It suddenly dawned on me, the refrigerator motor had stopped completely. Duh.

Being mechanically inclined (not) I came up with the brilliant idea of unplugging the fridge and re-plugging, as though a fridge could be re-booted like a computer. Laugh all you want, with friends helping move the fridge, I did just that and it worked. A Christmas miracle? Not quite.

The next day the ice cubes wereH2O again and I was “Fit2B tied.” I failed to mention that when we moved my faithful fridge, under it was either a sloppy science project or material for a 1960’s Roger Corman horror movie. In any event the fridge was kaput.

Not exactly the stuff of “A Wonderful Life,” the day after Christmas the office delivered a “new” used fridge and even moved food from one to the other. But before we put it in place, I tackled the science project using oven cleaner, steaming hot water and a putty scraper. An hour later, the gleaming tile below the fridge hadn’t been that clean in probably 10 years.(Where else can you get such exciting story telling? I ask sarcastically. ) Suffice it to say, however, all is well.

Actually “All is well” is what Trump tweeted to the country the night, that in retaliation for his assassinating its top General, the infamous Qasem Soleimani, Iran had launched a dozen ballistic missiles on two U.S. bases in Iraq. “All is well?” Trump’s not well!

And a tweet? How about an address to the nation? In fact that would come Wednesday morning because I think he had to rehearse pronouncing words like “origins” (not “oranges”) “premeditated” (not “premedicated”) and “anonymous” (not “amonamous.”)

If you didn’t see Trump’s 9-minute, totally scripted “address to the nation,” find it on YouTube. It was a mix of the “Gong Show” and WWE. (We’ve had Rhodes Scholars and Nobel Prize-winning presidents, but Trump is the only POTUS, and this is a fact, to be in the World Wrestling Hall of Fame.)

I suppose for gravitas, the White House was filled with military brass. And when the doors opened from Trump’s office, the lighting, as Jimmy Kimmel joked, “Was like the aliens in Close Encounters coming out of the spaceship.”

As the self-described “Chosen One,” entered to give his speech, the doors shut behind him and he stepped to the podium. His first words were, “As long as I’m president of the United States, Iran will never be allowed to have a nuclear weapon. Good morning.”

I’ve dubbed him “Sniffles the Clown,” because over the following 9 minutes he sniffed 54 times, seemed thoroughly out of breath and often slurred his words. He struggled with the word “tolerated” saying, “tolerrighted.” On his left, the General’s worried eyes screamed out, “WTF is wrong with this moron?”

Given his constant sniffling and slurring words not to mention corruption, why do so many pretend the emperor has clothes? (Other than a straight jacket.) While the General looked appalled, Mike Pence looked like he was just biding his time.

In attacking others, Trump often inadvertently reveals the truth about himself. For example, in November, 2011 he tweeted, “Our president will start a war with Iran because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate. He’s weak and he’s ineffective. So the only way he figures that he’s going to get reelected — and as sure as you’re sitting there — is to start a war with Iran.”

At least my refrigerator is normal.

Jack is at: facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and jackdailypress@aol.com

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2 Comments

  1. A very angry LEFTY drone, salivating at making fun of TOP 2 presidents in last 50yrs,by far.Pres not only Reganesque,but he will be re-elected a million%. Simply put, our country will NEVER be SOCIALISTIC if the lefties go BERSERK!

  2. Here’s a belated question: Why didn’t you stuff Trump in your old Fritz (er-r, fridge)? America needs a Democratic president as much as your replacement refrigerator.

    By the way, you really don’t need to send me a second copy of your message. Maybe it’s just an automatic mistake, but why don’t you replace the server the way you did with the refrigerator!

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