The Art of the Schlemiel
In Yiddish “schlemiel” refers to an awkward, unintelligent and unlucky person for whom things never turn our right. An example might be Donald Trump walking up the stairs to Force 1 and having toilet paper stuck to his shoe.
Normally, the moment a POTUS left the bathroom the Secret Service, or his entourage would point out the telltale tissue. Unless those observing took great delight that Trump looked like a schlemiel.
Schlemiels aren’t necessarily intellectuals. Coincidentally, Trump never goes to plays, or operas or art exhibits. What he loves most in life, other than Twitter, are buckets of KFC, Fox TV and shouting at his rallies. He also loves golf a sport in which he cheats constantly; he loves having beautiful wives on whom he constantly cheats. (Often with the next Mrs. Trump or Stormy Daniels.)
Meanwhile, the U.S. government is coming to the end of the second week of a shutdown over Trump’s “big, beautiful, tall concrete border wall” that Trump swore a hundred times Mexico would pay for. As a result, 800,000 Americans aren’t being paid or are furloughed. Congress, however, still get their full salaries and the taxpayers just paid for security and tents, etc, for Trump’s “for profit” New Year’s eve party at Mar-a-Lago. (Tickets were $1000, up from last year’s $750.)
On Wednesday, Trump purportedly tried to find a shutdown compromise. (Though it’s so obvious he loves it.) First, he held a televised cabinet meeting during which Trump acknowledged that he was unpopular in Europe but said he could run and win any office there but he didn’t want to. Numerous bewildered cabinet members seemed to be looking around for an eject button.
Inexplicably, on the table was a huge movie poster of Trump with the words “Sanctions are Coming” a take off of “Game of Thrones. With the new Democratic House investigations of Trump imminent, I’ve done my version now on the SMDP website. It features Trump’s photo and the words “Tantrums are Coming.” (In 2006, Trump photo-shopped his face on the cover of Time Magazine, had it framed, and hung in his office as if it were real. (Can you say “cuckoo?”)
In two other cringe worthy cabinet meeting moments, Trump also praised the Soviet Union’s ill-fated 1979 invasion of Afghanistan and went on to say, “I think I would have made a great general but who knows.” (Damn those pesky bone spurs that prevented your rise to general in the military.)
Later, Trump met with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer again. On December 11th, the whole world heard Trump clearly say, “I’m proud to shut down the government,” telling Schumer “And I won’t blame the Democrats.”” Surprise, surprise, Trump blames the Democrats. How does he lie so blatantly? Does he not remember or not care? (Then again, the same could be asked about the toilet paper.)
Schumer suggested they agree to the 6 budgets both the House and Senate have voted for and the Homeland Security budget, which would have any border wall funding, would be passed temporarily to re-open the government. With a straight orange face, Trump reportedly said “If I do that, I would look foolish.” (As if he hasn’t for 2 painfully long years years.)
Foolish, or maybe pathetic, Trump recently had a TV commercial airing suggesting Americans phone the White House to thank Trump for what he’s done for America. If I were to call I would focus more on what he’s done TO America.
All that aside, I may have a border wall solution. Remember when Trump actually thought that the stealth F-35 fighter planes were so high tech they were actually invisible to the human eye? So, what I’m suggesting is a “stealth border wall.”
Trump has long ago abandoned his concrete wall. Now he’s talking about “steel slats.” He even suggested the wall be “see-through” so Border Agents can view what’s on the other side. So we fake funding to re-open the government, and tell Trump the new wall is F-35 invisible. He could brag to his base that he won the border battle “bigly” and if and when he ever visited the wall, he could marvel at technology that makes it invisible. (Assuming no toilet paper is stuck to shoe.)
In 1987, journalist Tony Schwartz wrote Trump’s best-selling memoir, The Art of the Deal. He now regrets it made Trump a household name. “But Trump didn’t write a word, “Schwartz says. “I’m not sure he even read it.” (Since 2016, Schwartz has donated $200,000 in royalties from the book to progressive causes.)
In The Art of the Deal, Trump brags that he’s the world’s best negotiator. Really? In January, 2018, the Democrats offered $20 billion for Trump’s wall in return for DACA support. Some negotiator, going from $20 billion to begging for $5 billion. What a schlemiel!
Jack is at: facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and firstname.lastname@example.org