Campaigning in 2016, Donald Trump claimed the world was laughing at the U.S. Given his absurd comments about our California wildfires, if they weren’t laughing then, they are now. Trump blamed the infernos on, “We don’t rake the forest like Finland.” Except, Trump lie # 6,421 in 676 days, Finland’s President confirms they never had such a conversation.
Trump’s “raking” theory is so incoherent he sounds like a malevolent Forest Gump, or as I now call him “Forest Trump.” First, to compare Finland to California is stunningly ignorant. One-quarter of Finland lies within the Arctic Circle, while Southern portions are snow-covered 3 to 4 months of the year and Northern portions for about 7 months. (Maybe Trump thinks California should have done the responsible thing and have more snow.)
Second, 57% of California’s forests are federal property meaning Trump is unwittingly bashing his own administration. In the meantime, on social media, Finns are still posting “raking” parodies gleefully mocking Trump.
Reluctantly, Trump visited California to inspect the fire devastation. Some psychiatrists theorize that he actually enjoys other people’s misery. I mention it, and talk about a Freudian slip, twice Trump called the town of Paradise, “Pleasure.” Oops.
Like hostages, Governor Brown, and Governor-elect Newsom painfully endured Trump’s far-fetched and rambling “raking” theory,” ending with, “We’re going to have a great climate with safe forests.” (Say, what?) Meanwhile, last Friday Trump dismissed as pointless a grave (pun intended) government report about climate change and went golfing.
Speaking of enduring, Trump brags endlessly, “Nobody loves the military more than I do.” So, on Thanksgiving morning, did he make a surprise visit to our combat troops? Actually he didn’t even go to Arlington on Veterans’ Day.
Last week Trump attacked retired Navy Seal, Admiral William McRaven, who led the successful Osama bin Laden raid. Does Trump disrespect war heroes because he’s jealous? Whatever the reason, think about this. No other POTUS ever attacked a Gold Star family, let alone two.
Trump’s lame explanation why he hasn’t visited combat troops was, “I was very much against the Iraq War.” That’s offensive to troops serving now and is also a lie. In 2002, on Howard Stern’s radio show, Trump said, “I just wish we got it right the first time,” meaning in Gulf War I he clearly favored toppling Saddam Hussein. Trump was actually more of a war hawk than Dick Cheney.
Among many of Trump’s bizarre fears is being poisoned. Even if you love him, you’ve got to admit he’s just weird. Before sex he told porn star Stormy Daniels that she reminded him of Ivanka. He also confessed he wishes all sharks were dead. Good grief.
Unlike Clinton, Bush and Obama who visited combat troops, Trump’s terrified he’d be assassinated. (A Vietnam vet friend of mine calls him the “Coward in Chief.”)
Trump’s “fear” of rain is because of his cockamamie hairdo. A recent photo, however. reveals he’s essentially bald. Thus, in addition to “On 9/11, I saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheering the fall of the World Trade Center;“ “Mexico will pay for the wall;” and “My taxes are under audit,” even Trump’s hair is a lie!
Wannabe dictator Trump has no fear of abusing power. He tried to “order” the Justice Department to prosecute Hilary Clinton and James Comey, until White House lawyer, Don McGahn, explained he didn’t have the authority. “It’s not fair!” Trump whined. (Such a whiner, yikes!)
Citing he’s “America first,” Trump gave a pass to Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince whom the CIA considers ordered the murder and dismemberment of a Washington Post journalist. ” (Technically, that’s “Saudi Arabia first.”) Sadly, Trump has turned Reagan’s “Shining city upon a hill” into to a dingy banana republic.
Some speculate every insane Trump move is to distract from the Mueller probe and the House Democrats soon subpoenaing his tax returns. Remember his tirade about “Decorum in the White House” referring to reporter Jim Acosta? Eleven days later, Trump trolled California Congressman Adam Schiff. Like a foul-mouthed adolescent, in his tweet he misspelled Schiff as “Schi** (Rhymes with “unfit.”)
Because I skipped last week, a very belated Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! And that goes for the Trump family. That said, I’m still nauseous that when The Narcissist in Chief phoned the troops, instead of thanking them for their service and sacrifice, he talked so much about himself he sounded like an infomercial.
In the holiday spirit, I long for two “miracles.” One, that the upcoming Paradise rainy season doesn’t generate horrific mud slides. And two, that Trump ceases his horrific lies. (At least minimal Paradise mud slides is remotely possible.)
As always, I hope you had a few chuckles, though I’m never quite sure. If this were published in Finland, however, I have a feeling there’d be a whole lotta guffawing going on.
Next Friday I will be taking a temporary break from writing about Trump. I’m at: facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and firstname.lastname@example.org