WHAT’S A POOR BOY TO DO?

 And I have to watch all the NBA All-Star weekend stuff too! I should’ve just stayed in Albuquerque and kept my life less complicated.

I hope y’all always read my live music recommendations for the week, for several reasons.

You might think, there’s no way I’m getting off this couch to go hear some band, definitely not way over in Silverlake and no way after 10 PM — but you might read something I write about them that would convince and compel you, and then — your life will be richer! You’ll have a big smile on your face and be floating for hours. You’ll have stories to tell your friends! And your grandchildren! You’ll be suddenly, unequivocally hip.

Even if you don’t go — this time — you’ll become more aware of how much really good music is out there. Or you will just learn something interesting, for future reference or present illumination.

Or you can use what I wrote to lie about having gone and enhance your cool factor without ever having gotten off that dadgum couch.

BUT FIRST! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: It’s not music and I haven’t even seen it, but I feel confident plugging the new play coming to the Ruskin Group Theatre at the airport, for two reasons. I haven’t yet seen anything there that hasn’t completely entertained me, and some that have thrilled me or brought me to tears. And, this one gets extreme enthusiasm from managing director and SM Arts Commission chair Mike Myers, and he’s always pretty cautious with his hype.

It’s called “The Alamo,” about a rundown neighborhood bar in Brooklyn whose regulars are resisting a gentrification invasion of “young neo-carpetbaggers.” He hasn’t said so, but I suspect part of Myers’ enthusiasm is that he feels it has relevance to Santa Monica issues. A veteran, all-star cast. Previews Friday, regular run starts the following Friday.

RECOMMENDED:

TONIGHT! STREETWALKIN’ CHEETAHS, THOR (return of legendary LA punkers plus legends-in-their-own-minds, Canadian musclemen Thor — I’m going!), 7:30 PM, Viper Room, Hollywood, $10.

TONIGHT! OAK RIDGE BOYS (goosebump harmonies, descendants of the ‘40s gospel group who sang for the cloistered workers at Oak Ridge, TN’s Manhattan Project nuclear plant, these guys have been doin’ it nearly half a century, lead singer-painter William Lee Golden’s way-pre-ZZ Top beard still making Billy Gibbons jealous), 8 PM, Grammy Museum, downtown LA, $30.

KITTEN (wow! they’re still around, or rather she’s still around, singer/force of nature Chloe Chaidez, for whom every stage is too small, who when I saw her at the Bootleg Theater years ago was already a seasoned veteran at 16 — I’ve rarely seen anyone so charismatic), Fri, 8 PM, the Smell (all ages), downtown LA, Mon, 8 PM, Bardot Hollywood, no covers.

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE (‘nuff said), Sat, 7 PM, the Forum, Inglewood, $34.50-$59.50.

Christopher Cross… oh ha ha ha, Charles, you crack me up.

WILD HONEY ORCHESTRA Tribute to BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD (this will likely be really good because the music is and the players are — CARLENE CARTER, daughter of June Carter Cash and simply terrific, MARTHA DAVIS of the Motels, CARLA OLSON, Monkees drummer and Circus Boy MICKEY DOLENZ, and BS founding member RICHIE FURAY but don’t let him preach, please, on FB he only speaks in scripture — I’m so sorry I missed their first tribute last year to the Band), Sat, 8 PM, Alex Theatre, Glendale, $20-$110 (benefit for Autism Think Tank).

ERIC KUFS (I’ve caught Kufs before and he’s one of the best acts they book there, total pro, great voice, songs, presentation, and I’ll just add that his audience skews way more women than men, if you know what I mean, just sayin’), Sun, 10 AM, Main Street Farmers Market, Ocean Park, no cover.

ANNABELLA LWIN’S BOW WOW WOW (wow! remember them? their 15 weeks of fame? this could be great or awful but I had to mention it, awful theme restaurant idea though), Sat, 10:30 PM, New Wave Restaurant & Bar, Bellflower

CUBA L.A. (led by flutist-producer-educator-Hollywood Bowl Orchestra founding member DANILO LOZANO, honoring his inspiration the late conguero Francisco Aguabella), Sat, 7 PM, Sun, 4 PM, Getty Center, LA, no cover, reservation required.

ORCHESTRA SANTA MONICA Winter Concert: Hummel Trumpet Concerto, Haydn Symphony No. 85 (“The Queen of France”), Bizet Symphony in C Major (founder-music director-conductor Allen Robert Gross just announced his retirement, can the Orchestra survive? the formerly SM-based Dream Orchestra now does only occasional concerts around LA and is searching for a venue — man, classical music is a tough gig), Sun, 2:30 PM, Moss Theater, Santa Monica, $10-$30.

LIQUID KITTY PUNK ROCK BBQ with cheap drinks, free hot dogs and six bands, Pedro’s Shit 4 Brainz, Atomic Sherpas, legendary punk instrumentalists Lawndale, PRV13, Superbean, the Mormons (I miss Liquid Kitty! but former employees Jason and Damian are now part owners of the venerable old — 1931! — local blues club Harvelle’s, hooray! and have relocated their rowdy Presidents Day celebration there, though I do question honoring, on the poster, as “Miss Presidents Day,” psycho Manson Family member and Santa Monica native Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, involved in but not convicted of several grisly murders, finally serving 34 years for pointing a pistol at President Gerald Ford — I know SNL and several other shows used to spoof her but I just don’t find a life of violence and murder all that funny), Sun, 1 – 7 PM, Harvelle’s, Santa Monica, no cover.

SO — If you’re not exhausted from Saturday’s ridiculous cornucopia of sounds all over town (I only listed some), Sunday you could go from the terrific pop singer at the Main Street Farmers’ Market to the punk rock BBQ to classical, all in Santa Monica, to Cuba LA at the nearby Getty, and still have your evening free for more music. I just hate living here. Sorry, Albuquerque.

JUNIOR REID & THE ONE BLOOD BAND (recorded his first single in Kingston for Hugh Mundell at age 13, was Black Uhuru’s lead vocalist for three albums), Wed, 9 PM, Los Globos, Silverlake, $19.

BAND NAMES OF THE WEEK: Egrets on Ergot, Scam & Jam, Tramp for the Lord, Hammers of Misfortune, Sumo Princess, High-Functioning Flesh, F*** U Pay Us, Boy Scouts of Annihilation

LYRIC OF THE WEEK: “And I wanna rock your gypsy soul, just like way back in the days of old, and together we will float, into the mystic.” — Van Morrison

Charles Andrews has lived in Santa Monica for 32 years and wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world. Really. Send love and/or rebuke to him at therealmrmusic@gmail.com