Last week, I joked that if Donald Trump became President I would change my column banner from “Laughing Matters,” to “Crying Matters.” Apparently, the joke is on me.

It’s election night 2 a.m., and just about everything I value politically has been thoroughly rejected. All the progress we made in this country during the last eight years will likely be reversed. Sigh.

I try to remind myself that, as my late mother used to say, “It’s not the end of the world.” With Trump, however, it just might be. Just consider Trump’s thin-skinned volatility and imminent proximity to the nuclear button. Yikes!

No, I haven’t been drinking, though I very much wish I had. Throughout this nightmarish evening, I phoned progressive-minded friends to commiserate. Fellow columnist Charles Andrews was down but seemingly not as low as I am.

Charles attributes his even keel, compared to me that is, to the two stiff drinks he was compelled to consume watching the election results. I would ride my bike over the few blocks over to Charles and Diane’s condo’ for a couple of shots but it’s 2 a.m. And he was going to sleep. Lucky dog.

So how did this catastrophe happen and what can we do about it now? Hopefully, by next week I’ll have some suggestions, or at least some better jokes.

Instead of phoning, I emailed Dr. Justin Frank, a prominent and wise psychotherapist in Washington D.C. I’m a big fan of Dr. Frank’s books, “Bush on the Couch,” and “Obama on the Couch.” In fact, our friendship began with my suggesting he write “Trump on the Couch.” (Or perhaps “Trump on the Tanning Bed?)

Given all his expertise and experience, surely Dr. Frank would have some comforting words of wisdom. And he very well might have but it’s 5 a.m. there now.

Actually, earlier in the evening Dr. Frank sent me an email, “Am very worried for the nation.” (The same could be said for more than half the country,)

I suppose I should try to look on the bright side. I just wish I could find one. (If/when I do you’ll be the first to know or feel free to email me with your yucks about the upcoming Trump presidency, should you have any.)

When the outcome of the election became painfully clear, I went to the gym to work out. Frankly, I’m not fond of working out. To be more specific, I’m fond of it, only after I’ve worked out.

To pass the time while exercising, I watch TV but all the stations had election results. Fortunately, the Lakers were on. Unfortunately, they lost. (The Lakers, at four wins and three losses, were above .500 for the first time in three years but no longer!)

It’s difficult to accept or understand that the country has suddenly swung so far to the right. The future seemed so promising for diversity and equal rights, not to mention a female president. Now it will be at least 100 years after women’s suffrage before we elect our first female president, if then. As of 2014, sixty-three countries have had a female head of state. We just aren’t one of them. It’s embarrassing.

While I’m down in the dumps, a lot of groups are ecstatic. Misogynists, bothered by women in power, clearly must be pleased. And narcissists must feel proud a kindred spirit will occupy the White House. And then there’s the bigots.

This election marks the first time in my life that the KKK and the Nazis Party have openly celebrated a presidential victory. While it’s “Mourning in America” for me, it’s truly “Morning in America” for white supremacists. Those “Make America Great Again” hats, that were made in China by the way, judging from all the bigots celebrating might be more accurately worded, “Make America Hate Again.”

Vladimir Putin must be pleased with his new “puppet.” Given all the Russian hacking, historians note that this is the first election since the 1790’s where a foreign country has interfered in the outcome.

Actually, Nationalists authoritarians of all stripes throughout Europe must be whooping it up. Call me wacky, but I see a similarity in these trends with the rise of fascism in the 1930’s. (Is that all?)

Now that the election is over, will Trump, as promised, reveal his tax returns after the audit? Assuming there was an audit. Will he show at his Trump University “fraud and elder abuse” trial on November 28 presided over by the Indiana-born Judge Curiel whom he called “a Mexican?” And will Trump appear at his civil court hearing December 16 where he’s accused of having raped a 13-year-old girl? (For all these questions, the answer is: don’t hold your breath.)

Back to the election, Trump suggested in advance it could be “rigged.” Given it appears Hillary won the popular vote, maybe it was? Yes, it’s been a long night. Worse, I have a sinking feeling it’s going a very long 4 years.


Jack is at, and