Though it’s tempting to do otherwise, finally a column not about Donald Trump. This week we go to Michigan and a Tea Party sex scandal. Actually, I’ve always thought of Tea Baggers as crabby, old white guys dressed in ridiculous colonial outfits that didn’t fit because of their bellies. They often held signs with embarrassing spelling and grammar mistakes and just plain nonsense. For example, “Keep Your Government Hands Off My Medicare.”
Vehement about government spending, yet they were quiet as church mice during the disastrous Iraq War where George Bush was Cheerleader in Chief. As it happens cheering came naturally to W. Whereas Poppy Bush had been Yale’s starting first baseman, George Jr. sat on the bench until he got splinters. Wisely, he turned to a cheerleading where I’m sure his drinking came in handy.
But W. did more than just cheer during the war. Colin Powell laments he was lied to unintentionally and intentionally. There are so many examples of the latter I could fill two columns, which would bore you and depress me. (Or vice versa.)
The Iraq War will cost over $7 trillion in interest alone over the next forty years. That’s more than all existing student loans and still could make college free for the next twenty-five years. And yet, once again the Tea Party was basically mute during Bush’s war.
But when Barack Obama became the first African-American President, the Tea Baggers rolled into high gear. Admittedly, however, when they were the driving force behind the 2010 elections giving the GOP historic victories, I wasn’t laughing. (Although the Tea Baggers goofy outfits and 3rd grade punctuation still gave me an occasional chuckle.)
Now a pair of prominent Michigan Tea Baggers have provided some real guffaws in Michigan. According to the Detroit News, and MLive in Lansing, it involves Todd Courser a Tea Party state legislator who’s been happily married (well, maybe not so happily) for 14 years and has 4 children.
The other Tea Bagger involved is state legislator, Cindy Gamrat who has three kids. She writes on her homepage that her husband Joe was her high school sweetheart. Aw, isn’t that heartwarming? Now, for Joe, it’s probably more like heartburn.
Wouldn’t you know the two Tea Baggers, Todd and Cindy, are strong advocates for “family values” and “traditional marriage.” (Translation: anti-gay.) They are described as frequently invoking God in their political decision-making and yet they’ve been cheating up a storm, so to speak.
In the very bible that they so revere I believe such activity is called adultery. In fact, in Leviticus 20:10, punishment for adultery is death to both parties. (Talk about strict.) .
Both appear to be caught up in a scandal that could define or end their political careers. Inasmuch as rumors have been swirling around Lansing political circles for months, sanctimonious Todd was understandably very worried. And with good reason.
It’s said where there’s a will, there’s a way. Apparently Todd’s way was to come up with such a giant whopper of a cover story that any truthful revelation that might follow would seem more of the same.
Citing anonymous sources that “couldn’t be confirmed” Todd’s plan, via a mass email, was to reveal that he had paid for sex with a male prostitute behind a prominent Lansing nightclub. That way when his affair with Gamrat came out as it was bound to, constituents would hopefully assume that Toddy-boy was the victim of a smear campaign. Of course he was the one doing the smearing. Go figure.
I suppose the above might be considered a fairly clever excuse, if you happen to be in middle school and didn’t finish a term paper. It may beat “the dog ate my homework,” but if so, not by much.
By recounting this sordid tale am I suggesting that all Tea Baggers are complete hypocrites? Of course not! I mean, maybe not “complete.” (Hey, c’mon, that’s a joke!)
For years I’ve predicted that the GOP will rue the day they got in bed with the Tea Party. (No pun intended). This unholy alliance is much like the Democrats had with the southern Dixiecrats in 1948. The Dems paid a painful moral price for embracing the segregationists just to maintain power in Congress. So it will be one day for the GOP and the Tea Party. Frankly, the sooner the better.
But for now, the GOP may have a more serious problem than a mere sex scandal that will likely break up two families including seven innocent kids, and the run of the mill Tea Bagger wing nuts. Two words come to mind: Donald Trump.
Whoops, I just broke the “no Trump” pledge. And I almost made it to the y end of the column. That’s just one more reason he annoys me.
Imagecredit: Cary Shulman
Jack is at facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and email@example.com.