As part of last weekend’s Republican Leadership Summit, 19 (count ’em) GOP presidential hopefuls descended upon New Hampshire. The collection consisted of 18 white men and Carly Fiorina. Not exactly “diverse.”

Amazingly, the group included Donald Trump. I say “amazingly” because Trump’s various companies have declared bankruptcy four times, he’s been married three times and then there’s his hair.

Not only is Trump’s comb-over plenty peculiar but what’s with the color? It’s part gray, part blond and part orange. And what’s up with the GOP and orange? House Speaker John Boehner has orange skin and Trump has orange hair.

Four years ago Trump also flirted with running for president, although few took him seriously. At the 2011 White House Correspondents Dinner host Seth Myers observed, “Trump said he’d be running as a Republican, which is surprising because I just assumed he was running as a joke.”

President Obama referenced an episode of “Celebrity Apprentice” with Trump’s dilemma whether to fire Meatloaf or Gary Busey. “These are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night,” Obama joked. The audience roared, but if Trump found it amusing he forgot to tell his face.

Trump’s jaw was clenched so tightly it’s remarkable it didn’t break. While everyone in the ballroom laughed, the guests at Trump’s table were clearly too afraid of his wrath to do so. (Tomorrow night is the 2015 Correspondents Dinner, hosted by SNL’s Cecily Strong.) The spirit is to have fun laughing at oneself, a trait the self-important Trump has seemingly never developed.

In retrospect, Obama’s demeanor that night was stunning given the circumstances. Effortlessly, he delivered jokes knowing that within 24 hours the extremely dangerous raid on bin Laden’s compound in Pakistan would be taking place. Obama had some remarkable “poker face.”

The next night, Trump went on CNN. It’s even more embarrassing now but his anti-Obama talking points included the bold prediction, “Gas will soon be $6, $7 or $8 a gallon!” Has Trump gone to a pump lately? If he’s gone to Facebook he might have noticed there are nine different groups entitled “Dump Trump.”

Back on CNN, Trump wouldn’t commit to running in 2012 but only that he would make an announcement soon. “Many people will be happy with what I have to say.”

Two weeks later The Donald did hold a press conference, lamenting, “I won’t be running for president because I love ‘Celebrity Apprentice.'” Trump was right, a lot of people were ecstatic with his decision. Actually, “relieved” is probably the more accurate word. But not me.

Personally, I find Trump’s bombast hilarious, not to mention his hair. Speaking of hair, I believe Trump’s is real whereas Sen. Rand Paul wears a toupee. He adamantly denies it but his locks just don’t look human. (All due respect, Paul’s often been referred to as “poodle head.”)

In fact, Paul’s hair always reminds me of a squirrel’s nest. And, oddly enough, it makes me miss boxing promoter Don King. Well, almost.

As for Trump, I’m hoping he will run in 2016 if for pure entertainment value. That said, it’s obvious that he exploits running to get for ratings for his TV shows or just another chance to bloviate. (Look up “bloviator” in the dictionary and it’s possible there’ll be Donald Trump’s photo.)

With some exceptions, the GOP presidential field doesn’t seem to believe in evolution, global warming, equal pay for equal work or same sex marriage. Their stance on evolution was best exemplified in 2009 by Sarah Palin who postulated proudly, “If we all came from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys?” Poor Sarah.

Creationists like Palin seem to have no problem that dogs, for example, evolved from wolves. And yet they don’t ever ask why are there still wolves? But when it comes to the human species, it’s strictly Adam and Eve. (Or, as evangelicals might say, “Not Adam and Steve.”)

Privately, a number of GOP would-be candidates probably do believe in evolution. But they can’t admit it publicly because their anti-science conservative base, including the Tea Baggers, would be offended.

However, most of the GOP hopefuls apparently think the earth is 5,000 years old. This would mean that dinosaurs and man co-existed. Or, put another way, it would make “The Flintstones” a documentary.

Back to Trump, soon he’ll likely hold another press conference announcing that, because of “Celebrity Apprentice,” or some scheme he’s currently pitching, he’s dropping out of the race. (As if anyone would care.) That’ll leave “poodle head,” — oops, I mean Rand Paul — as the lone GOP “strange hair” candidate.

Even though he has progressive views on a few issues, realistically, I don’t think Paul will become President of America. But, if indeed he wears a rug, maybe he could be President of the Hair Club for America?

Join the Conversation


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *