During this past week I received four phone calls from super model Cindy Crawford. Frankly, I don’t even know how she got my number. I passed her once as she was going into Bobby Shriver’s 3rd District Supervisor’s campaign office and at 48, she’s smoking. (And I’m not referring to cigarettes.) And yet, next thing I know she’s calling me every five minutes. If I was only 10 years younger, 6 inches taller and owned a private jet, who knows?
Okay, by now it’s obvious the aforementioned calls were “robo.” This of course would explain that that when I flirted with Cindy it didn’t have any impact. (Assuming that I did.) And yet, I still say four calls in two days? C’mon, she wants me.
This election season the excessive number of robo-calls annoyed everyone. (Except those who have a crush on Cindy Crawford.) One such call, however, that I enjoyed immensely was from Ethel Kennedy, Bobby Shriver’s Aunt. She sounded terrific and for a few moments I was almost back in Camelot.
Another of these robo-rants was from right-wing radio talk-show host Dennis Prager whom I’ve always found unduly unctuous. “Hello, this is Dennis Prager,” he said trying to sound sincere. “I’ve never made one of these calls before …” That’s when I hung up. After all, I didn’t want him to break his record. Prager was “roboing” on behalf of Elan Carr running for Congress who wound up, and I believe the technical term is, “getting his butt kicked” by Ted Lieu.
Before I get to how disheartened I was by the national elections (not to mention the Lakers’ worst start in 57 years!) a few words about our just completed City Council race. First off, I think 14 candidates is absurd and wish there were a primary to narrow it down. That said, I truly admire the incredible effort these men and women expend.
For example, there were over a dozen Candidate Forums where each officer seeker gives their spiel (Yiddish for “sales-pitch”) and has to answer questions from the moderator or panel. But because there are 14 candidates no one can really do it with specificity. (When I looked up “spiel” I also discovered that “glitch” is Yiddish. And yes, I definitely have too much free time.)
The top City Council vote-getter with 7,475 or 17% of the votes cast was Kevin McKeown who earned his 5th term. (Isn’t it about time he become Mayor?) In second was Planning Commissioner Sue Himmelrich who reportedly spent $130,000 on her campaign and received 6,907 votes or about $20 a vote! Narrowly making it in 3rd was Mayor, Pam O’Connor who won her sixth term. (In 2018 Pam will have served 24 years, which would tie the record held by the recently retired Bob Holbrook.)
I was hoping perennial council candidate Jon Mann would at least receive 5% of the vote so he might qualify for the 2016 Daily Press Squirm Night. In the past he sits forlorn in the audience wearing duct tape in protest. But alas, Jon only got 1,180 votes or 2.67%, so I hope he has the aforementioned duct tape in safe keeping.
Personally I was rooting for the charismatic Richard McKinnon to come in 3rd and become a Council member. Tirelessly, he seemingly walked (or biked) door-to-door for months but unfortunately came in 7th. Santa Monica native and Parks and Recreation Commissioner, Phil Brock, ran an excellent campaign but came in 4th only 586 votes short of being on the Council.
Nationally, for me at least, the election was grim. Obama has created 10,000,000 jobs, unemployment is under 6%, the auto industry is thriving, Bin Laden and Kaddafi are dead, the stock market has tripled and gas is below $3. And yet apparently it’s “time for a change.” Good grief.
And now who will have the power? The same crowd whose President, in 2001, in response to a Presidential Daily Briefing, “Bin Laden Determined to Attack in U.S.”, went on vacation. And on 9/11 when told “the country was under attack” he pretended to be reading “My Pet Goat.” He sat there frozen in fear for a mind-boggling seven minutes. (You could almost hear him, “Daddy, help!”)
Our fearless (feckless) leader then invaded Iraq to get rid of non-existent WMDs. (Saddam would have crushed ISIS as he hated Islamic Fundamentalists and vice-versa.) And as a parting gift he left us with the worst economy since the Great Depression. (Is that all?)
Yes, this party, which hasn’t balanced a budget since 1969, will essentially be running the show for the next two years. Speaking of two years, I hope Cindy Crawford doesn’t start calling me again. Unless, of course, this time she leaves her number.
Jack is at facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth or email@example.com.