Editor’s note: This is the final installment of a two-part series.

In my previous column I conservatively circumscribed about the nature and extent of Obamaholism and Bush Derangement Syndrome that has led many liberal sycophantic sufferers to splash about like Cleopatra, the Queen of Denial. St. Augustine wrote two very valuable works on lying and denial, “De Mendacio” and “Contra Mendacio,” in 395 A.D. Unfortunately since neither Latin nor English is taught in California public schools these days, I have provided a simplified version for the simple minds of Democratopia without all the really confusing big words.

If liberal critics are so self-righteously sure that George W. Bush is both such a liar and a scoundrel then please allow me to demonstrate that President Obama only lies when his teleprompter’s lips are moving.

The anatomy of lies

1. The bald faced lie.

2. Telling only half of the truth, aka “lying by omission.”

3. Telling the utter, cherry tree chopping truth but telling it so unconvincingly that the hearer doesn’t really believe you.

4. “There are lies, damned lies and statistics” — Mark Twain.

Please note that lies from politicians are as malleable as a combination of cow manure and chewing gum. Any given lie might taste like crap but at least it’s mint-flavored. Just ask John Edwards. Further note that a lie can combine any or all of the enumerated elements above. As a practicum, here are examples of some big, myocardial infarction whoppers. Feel free to defibrillate accordingly:

“I did not have sex with that woman!” — Bill Clinton, at anytime during the last two centuries.

Please note that his mere qualification of “that woman” does not preclude having had sex with any other animal, vegetable or mineral of the female persuasion within his cigar-smoking distance. Is this a #1 combo with a #2 on the side or an inclusively democratic #3?

“We cannot sustain deficits that mortgage our children’s future” — Obama, April 2009.

Of course he said this after enacting his $787 billion dollar Porkzilla Act which is merely a monolithic carbon copy of Bush’s TARP of 2008, both of which chain our grandchildren into decades of indentured governmental servitude. That’s a #3.

While Obama frequently refers to economic “belt tightening” as a requirement for average Americans, it does not necessarily extend to our Imperator-in-Chief’s own tawdry shopping habits as the average American factory worker laid off from GM isn’t accustomed to flying in gourmet pizzas on ScareForce One, purchasing $540 sneakers, a $6,000 VBH designer purse nor a custom $30,000 diamond and rhodium ring for his Klingon queen after his $170 million coronation.

Do the math, pretty grim numbers.

Speaking of numbers, get a load of this patient’s flip chart! A poll published by the NY Times, a subsidiary of ObamaMedia LLC, fabricated that “72 percent of respondents favored the creation of a government health insurance plan that would compete with private insurers.” This has been cited by local idiots from the Democratic Underground as proof positive public support of Dr. MacDaddy Squealgood’s socialized quackery called ObamaCare.

Is it an inconvenient truth that only 24 percent of the respondents queried were mainlined as conservatives? Would the NYT’s poll be just as relevant if it was taken in Bulgari’s on Rodeo Drive rather than taken outside of a fast food joint? Is this a scientific false positive or an Obamaholic “false choice?” How valid is a poll that had only 895 respondents? Is 895 respondents reflective of the collective political MRI of over 330 million Americans?

Definitely a #4, thank you, Mr. Twain!

Lastly, in February 2004, the CEO of Obama’s House of Waffles said, “I opposed the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996. It should be repealed and I will vote for its repeal on the Senate floor.”

Is it an inconvenient truth that on June 11, 2009, President Janus’ Justice Department submitted a legal brief to a federal judge asking for dismissal of pending gay-rights litigation [Smelt v. USA, State of California] on the grounds that the 1996 DOMA is “appropriate, carefully balanced and justified by reason?”

Wow. Would someone please stitch the president’s cojones back on again? They keep falling off.

Former Army Captain and JAG officer, Desert Storm and Operation Iraqi Freedom veteran, James Pietrangelo II, following his recent loss before the Supreme Court over his dismissal from military service under “don’t ask, don’t tell” had this to say, “[Obama’s] a coward, a bigot and a pathological liar. … This is a guy who spent more time picking out his dog, Bo, and playing with him on the White House lawn than he has working for equality for gay people.”

Hooah, Capt. Pietrangelo!

Steve Breen always tells the truth because then he doesn’t have to remember what he’s just said and is still “the best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office.” He can be reached at dulcamarax@yahoo.com.

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