The first 100 days of “hopey-changeyness” was front-loaded by an “enchanted” N.Y. Times/Obama-media shill from the White House press corp. During the Teleprompter-in-Chief’s first 100 days, affirmative action press conference, he was questioned with all the rigors of a beauty pageant queen unless, of course, you’re Miss California. Is it an inconvenient truth that the Fox Channel’s TV fiction, “Lie to Me,” got better ratings in the same time slot than Obama’s 100 day reality show massage parlor press party.

How was your happy ending, Anderson Cooper?

Did you know that Obama uses his teleprompter on the White House basketball court? As he drives for the hole, the teleprompter scrolls “ … dribble, dribble, dribble, shoot!” It’s rumored that his new dog, Bo, can’t seem to bark without a teleprompter either. Well, it’s been said that pets sometimes behave much like their owners.

Speaking of owners, as leader of the free world, Obama bowed in obsequious fealty to the King of Saudi Arabia during his “Apologia of Hope” G-20 tour like a dutiful dhimmi vassal to his sovereign overlord. Well, at least Obama knows who his master is. Woof! Fetch the stick, boy! Fetch the stick!

Welcome to the United States of Saudi America, all you citizens of the world! No worries, though, on the infamous Chavez-Obama handshake. Obama merely agreed to wash and wax Chavez’s car while it was in valet parking.

According to the Obama administration, I, as a veteran, am now classified as an enemy of the state. Of course, I’m flattered. I believe in fighting tyranny wherever I find it, even if it is lounging in the Lincoln bedroom. I am a “right wing extremist” who “[rejects] federal authority over state and local authority” [that pesky 10th Amendment thingy] even though Obama “has no specific information that domestic right-wing terrorists are currently planning acts of violence.”

Thusly, Obama’s current homeland security policy is: “Be afraid! Be very afraid! Please be advised, that Obama Paranoia Central has no exculpatory evidence, empirical data or remote clue whatsoever to support its wild guesses of what you, the American people, are supposed to be truly afraid about. But please feel free to go about your pathetic, uneventful lives and thank you for shopping at J. Crew. Watch out for pirates and swine flu!”

But let’s “set aside childish things” for a moment and compare the way lefty bedwetters scourged Dubya for those infamous “seven minutes” of inactivity immediately following the horror show of 9/11. It took Obama five days to decide to shoot three skinny Somali teenagers in a rowboat to claim his first foreign policy “triumph.”

On the domestic low-end, the first lady’s recent outing to a food bank while she was sporting a kicky, new $540 pair of Lanvin tennis shoes begs the question: Wouldn’t the $540 been better spent buying food for the food bank? Of course, Michelle “Gun Show” Obama gushed, “For the first time in my life, I am proud of my sneakers!”

Let’s look back at the two events that bracket the first 100 days of Obama-holic “hopey-changeyness”:

• When Obama was inaugurated, it was the most expensive inauguration in American history. His proclamation of a “new era of responsibility” was conspicuously consummated in a $170 million bacchanalia during the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression. Nero fiddled while Rome burned.

No conservatives, however, went to the inaugural. We were all at work that day to pay for Obama’s spending plan.

In the wake of the inaugural “Hurricane Latrina,” 140 tons of trash were deposited on the Washington Mall. The National Park Service cited that a paltry 13 tons has been the annual average on their biggest fete on the Fourth of July. In this “new era of responsibility,” not a half a day old, Obama-droids had obviously been smoking way too much “hopium.”

How can hippies be the change they’ve been waiting for yet are too stoned to pick up their own trash?

• And the back bracket of le Majeste Obama’s 100 days? A $348,000 taxpayer-funded gangsta-style 9/11 drive-by of Ground Zero by Scare Force One during a White House approved “top-secret” souvenir photo-op. Meanwhile, all of lower Manhattan was having 9/11 deja-vu all over again.

White House response? Talk to the Air Force. Air Force response? Talk to the White House. Obama’s response? “These are the planes we’ve been waiting for.” My response? “Awesome.”

Then again, I have no sympathy for NYC’s aerial whine and cheese moment. After all, they voted rank and file for Obozo the Clown and his 9/11 Flying Circus. What did they expect? Someone as smart as George W. Bush?

Steve Breen is a right-wing enemy of the state and is still the “best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office.” He can be reached at

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