Fellow Millennials, we are the product of the 21st century. We’re not limited by our geography, community, or social networks to meet people. We don’t even need to leave our houses to find the perfect mate. We have apps for that!

So, you may ask, why is it still difficult to find true love?

Clearly, it’s not a matter of “where.” Nor is it a matter of “who.” Let’s stop making excuses. Let’s stop blaming other people. Not all guys in L.A. are self-centered jerks and not all dolls are gold diggers. Everyone has been hurt before. We have our walls up, and with every rejection or disappointment we close ourselves off more and more. We become bitter and lose our sense of self worth.

Some of us realize we are alone, we panic, and settle for the next decent person who comes along. You (this goes for the men) live on autopilot and accept life because you talked yourself into believing it is out of your control and you, (this goes for the ladies), turn to “Fifty Shades of Grey” and fantasize about love and passion, telling yourself that this stuff only exists in trashy novels and cheesy movies so that you feel better about yourself. We begin to wonder, does true love really exist?

The answer is yes! One day you will meet that special someone who turns your world upside down and will shift your perspective, because love is only blind when you’re with the wrong one.

Why do we want to find that person? Because we’re built that way. It’s that simple. We can change our social norms, but we can’t change our biology.

So, get clear on gender roles! Underneath all feminist movements, emancipation, and equality laws, there is a biological gender difference! Obvious, right? We, however, forget what that actually means: Men are the protectors and providers, and women are the nurturers. Sure, maybe that’s irrelevant to your professional life, however, gender roles play a significant part in your personal relationships — whether you like it or not.

A man still likes to pursue a woman and wants to provide for her. Ladies, that doesn’t mean that you are doomed to become housewives, but know that by allowing a man to be a man, letting him chase and win you, you not only stroke his ego, you make him desire you more. Call this old fashioned, but ask any guy and he will agree with your mom: If a guy has to have you, you will know. He will call you, ask you out, and make his feelings known. Anything else is just conversation.

So ladies, stop chasing the guy who doesn’t want you. And gentlemen, don’t wait for the ladies to make a move because you are scared of rejection. Women need a man to be her protector and provider, so if you don’t have the courage to pursue her, you might as well have the word “insecure” tattooed on your forehead. So guys, man up and pursue the girl of your dreams.

 

Get clear on what you want

 

When we are asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?,” we immediately think of our careers. We have that part of our lives fully strategized. For instance, you’ve probably made a list detailing your career goals. Those lists are what successful people swear by. If we do that to find our ideal career, how come we don’t do that to find our ideal partner? Isn’t finding true love, your soul mate, your top priority? So, what’s stopping you? The universe wants to give you what you want, you just have to ask for it!

To manifest your soul mate, the first question you have to ask is: What are you looking for? We’ve both used this method successfully in the past, and guess what? It works every time! We invite you to try this little exercise. On a piece of paper, list every quality your ideal partner has. This includes looks, intelligence, lifestyle, values, spiritual/religious orientation — everything. Don’t leave anything out.

Second, phrase everything in the positive. For example, don’t say “not overweight.” Instead say “fit and athletic,” or whatever it is that you value in a partner.

Third, write down a specific time frame for when you want this person to enter your life. Usually a time frame of six months to one year works best. Finally, fold the list in half and put it in a drawer. Don’t look at it again. The universe has received your request; your only job now is to have faith and be open to possibility. When you learn to trust the universe and be positive, your life will improve immeasurably. All aspects of your life will soar, from love to health to wealth. And remember, all Is well.

 

 

Simone is pursuing her master’s degree in psychology and serves on the Commission for the Senior Community. She prides herself on having had more marriage proposals than shoes. She can be reached at sgordon1@uoregon.edu. In her inner circle, Limor, a screenwriter, is known as the “wing woman” and her cell number has become the hotline for dating advice. You can reach her at limorygottlieb@gmail.com.

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