Wow! Where to begin?

The economy? Since the February installation of a $787 billion supercharger, America has been hurtling down the Hope and Change superhighway at the blinding speed of road kill. But like road kill, voodoo Obamanomics is sort of slow, kind of flat and very smelly as it bakes on the asphalt at the intersection of Reality Road and Rhetoric Alley. Meanwhile the national unemployment rate of 9.5 percent [and rising] skids well past the president’s overstimulated guarantee that national unemployment would never veer over 8 percent.

If Dubya has supposedly driven the American economic Hummer into a fiduciary ditch, then the roadside assistance provided courtesy of the Obamamobile Club has lubriciously doused it in tax-and-spend napalm and is charbroiling it beyond recognition.

The environment? The peculiarly pugnacious and oppressively pecuniary issue known as “cap-and-trade” has slid off of the Congressional landscape like a tired polar bear rolling off of a melting ice flow. After Obama-trolls at the EPA sloppily sandbagged a key report before a critical House vote on the mythology of global warming, the Senate has since then demurred on the crapulousness of cap-and-trade.

Rub-a-dub-dub, Obama’s enviro-policy just went blub.

Popularity? Let me get this straight. On July 23, an All Barack Channel (ABC) poll proclaimed that Sarah Palin was considered publicly “disapproved” by 53 percent, yet a July 24 Rasmussen poll placed Obama in that same category in a statistical dead heat of 51 percent? It must suck being the most popular president in the history of history only to share the same disapproval ratings with the most reviled person in Christendom this side of Osama bin Laden.

Healthcare? Or should I say “AstrologyCare?” On July 23, Obama declared that “the stars are aligned” to pass healthcare reform. Has he been hanging out with Nancy Reagan lately? Under the astrologically alleged imperatives of ObamaCare, you can exercise your government-run healthcare options only when your “stars are aligned” along your personal astronomical ecliptic. If you’re a Pisces, however, it will be just too damn bad if you get sick during Virgo.

Shouldn’t the Astrologer-in-Chief submit actual facts and figures pertinent to his argument rather than engage in the augury of goat entrails? Or is the Congressional Budget Office’s prognostications of the specious savings under ObamaCare inconvenient to the stark realities of what’s important to the American taxpayer? Of course, it would be efficacious to the health of the American body politic if Obama had actually read the bill which he purports to support before he suffers from further bouts of foot-in-mouth disease.

Speaking of exercising health care options. Obesity is reasonably considered the number one health care related issue for the coming decades in the U.S. Please note that over a third of Americans are o-beastly obese while another third is just a little on the clunky, chunky side. The remaining third, like myself, possess a more superior degree of control with a knife and fork than the rest of you so please spare me the progresso-liberal protestations that there is somehow a “health care crisis” in this country when in reality the “crisis” begins with the gaping hole in the middle of your face.

Being Porky Pig’s stunt double is a choice, folks.

Since obesity is linked to the concomitant consequences of hypertension, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cellulite and Lycra stretch pants, could someone please explain to me why I, as a taxpayer, should have to pay into a socialist healthcare boondoggle for some lazy fascists’ adulatory addiction to the contents of their refrigerator?

Or for the healthcare of 14 million illegal aliens?

Sorry, but I would consider a federally-funded sports club membership to 24 Hour Fitness for all Americans as an infinitely more inexpensive healthcare solution than the $1.3 trillion “bargain” suggested by ObamaCare to accommodate the quintile of sociological bottom-feeders amongst the medically uninsured.

And how serious is the Obama administration about “good health” when his own surgeon general-designate is 40 pounds overweight and looks like the love child of Col. Sanders and Godzilla? If this is the Obamanian example of “good health” that he truly wishes to publicly convey then what’s the point of discussing the fascism of ObamaCare?

Physician heal thyself.

Folks, health care is not a “right.” Look it up in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights and find the words “health care”. I will be your cabana boy for life if you do. The funny part is watching progresso-liberals, suffering from electile dysfunction over the ObamaCare debate, somehow overlook the fact that they possess complete political control over both houses of Congress as well as the Rubber-Stamper-in-Chief at the Oval Office and yet neither seems able to scream loud enough to just get it up and get it done.

Steve Breen made the smart conservative choices and has had health insurance for 36 years and is still “the best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office.” He can be reached at dulcamarax@yahoo.com.