I miss Herman Cain. Don’t get me wrong. If even one of the sexual harassment allegations is true, I think it’s deplorable and I wish he could still be prosecuted. Adultery certainly shouldn’t be a requirement for the presidency, either. However, for sheer entertainment purposes, I miss the guy. In fact, I think there’s a good chance of things being so dull that I may skip the 278th Republican debate, which I think is next week.
One of the most interesting aspects of Cain’s decision is that political experts feel that his support will go to Newt Gingrich. The irony here is that Gingrich is known to be an adulterer and he’s been married three times. I guess our political parties always have to have someone running for the presidential nomination who have — allegedly — been engaged in these activities.
We are used to political wives standing in the background as their husbands either deny or admit sexual transgressions. Mrs. Cain took this wifely devotion to a new level. While Cain announced the “suspension” of his campaign, she didn’t just stand there. She acted like a cheerleader for her hubby. She nodded, she smiled, and she applauded. Maybe Cain has bewitched, bothered and bamboozled her. It shouldn’t surprise us. Henry Kissinger once said, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” And let’s face it. What could be a more powerful and sexy position in the world than president of the National Restaurant Association?
Some people have a major problem with Cain’s “poor memory.” The way he responded to the first round of allegations was to say that it was unfair to expect him to remember everything from 18 years ago. If you or I had been charged with sexual harassment, we would remember that fact whether it was 18 days or 18 years ago. Does this mean that Cain was lying about this forgetfulness? I don’t think so. I think he has a really bad memory. How can we expect him to remember something like sexual harassment when the guy can’t even remember what Libya is?
The children of America are probably disappointed about his dropping out because they must have been looking forward to easy civics and history questions had Cain been elected. For example, they might have been asked on future tests:
• Which of the following presidents made his fortune in the pizza business?
1. Herman Cain
2. George Washington
3. Both of the above
• What well known person is famous for saying to a female colleague that she was the same height as his wife?
1. Herman Cain
2. Mahatma Gandhi
Frankly, I was hoping that Cain was going to deny everything the way Clinton did. I was looking forward to him staring directly into the camera and saying, “I did not have inappropriate sexual behavior with all of those women who have accused me, and I definitely didn’t do anything wrong with those women that nobody knows about yet.”
We have to remember that American politics isn’t just watched by Americans. It’s watched by people all over the world. So in a situation like this, we often ask, “What does the rest of the world think of us? What does the rest of the world think of our candidates?” Well, rumor has it that when a noted German politician was asked if she thought Herman Cain would make a good president, she replied, “Nein, nein, nein.”
Lloyd Garver has written for many television shows, ranging from “Sesame Street” to “Family Ties” to “Home Improvement” to “Frasier.” He has also read many books, some of them in hardcover. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com and his podcasts on iTunes.