<i>Editor’s Note: This is part one of a two part series. </i>

Well, folks, we’ve reached the summer legislative recess for the Sesame Street Democrat Congress (brought to you by the letter’s I.O.U.) while they lumber onto the short bus to lick the windows over the future destruction of the American healthcare industry until it resembles an empty GM factory plant in Detroit. 

Folks, if the CEO of ObamaMotors can carve off the Hummer division to create automotive jobs in China, then just wait until he outsources your liver transplant under ObamaCare to Nairobi. ObamaCare doctors will then shake beads, rattle bones and mutter incantations over your ailment-du-jour from a teleprompter. You then pay for your “treatment” with three goats, a chicken and a severed finger from your first-born male child. It’s rumored that Obama based it on the Canadian healthcare system.

Over the last six months there has been some equivocal frottage from the local liberal celebutard punditocracy slipping from their soap boxes that the current administration’s maladies are the colloquially mechanical “it’s all Bush’s fault. We inherited this from Bush.” Or some other monotone zombie-matic character defect of excuse-ladened Obamaholism. These are not laughing matters, folks, as there are meetings for this condition. There are even free ACORN cookies and lattes while fellow Obamaholics smoke the same brand of cancer sticks as the president. 

Let me get this straight. A universal healthcare president that smokes, yet claims to be “95 percent cured?”

Our local ObamAlinsky trolls of hopey-changitude who employ the predictable methodology of blaming “the other” suffer from Bush Derangement Syndrome. Symptomatic denigration of “the other” is so much easier than positively asserting one’s own president’s accomplishments (or lack thereof) especially when faced with his rapidly declining numbers from the recent “Most-Popular-Girl-in-School” polls at Gallup and Rasmussen. 

Isn’t it an inconvenient truth that most of the “popular girls” at school were usually the easiest to go to bed with? Usually they were the cheerleaders. Wasn’t Bush a cheerleader at Yale? Anyway, Democrats paid $670 million to elect their Cheeleader-in-Chief but unfortunately he’s been infected with some Bush-era afflictions that even penicillin can’t seem to fix, but I’m sure we’ll find a cure in 2012. The outward symptoms of Bush Derangement Syndrome are, however, commensurate with the overall manifestations of low self-esteem, male menopausal uro-genital decrepitude and OCD or Obsessed over Conservatives Disorder. 

The singular reason why these local lickspittles of liberalism so vociferously berate the latent record of George W. Bush (and conservatives in general) is that their own Dr. MacDaddy Squealgood’s current record of accomplishment is nothing more than a botched boob job of political expediency while offering nothing more substantial than a Michael Jackson-styled rhinoplasty of “change.” Meanwhile the American public is anesthetized by Obama’s image consultants at the All Barack Channel formerly known as ABC.

Oh, Roone Arledge, where art thou?! 

If, according to the left, Dubya is allegedly the dumbest guy on the planet, could someone from the left please explain how the dumbest guy on the planet overtly and covertly duped the press and the Democrat-led Congress while systematically subverting several cabinet-level agencies of the federal government that employs over 2.7 million Americans to aid, abet and facilitate in spooky-go-boo “Truther”-style conspiracies? 

Are Democrats getting a second opinion from Ron Paul? 

According to my neighborhood critic, these conspiracies include “ … transferring wealth to corporate criminals, ignoring the Geneva conventions, suspending Habeas Corpus, enabling atrocities like Abu Gharib, extraordinary rendition, water boarding, Gitmo, union busting, covering up the CIA leaks, domestic wire tapping and destroying the world economy.” 

And yet somehow, someway, the “dumbest guy on the planet” was smart enough to get elected twice while allegedly committing this gargantuan array of shenanigans simultaneously? Not a bad day’s work for a guy who can’t pronounce nuclear. So how smart can the left truly claim to be if they, as a class, were fooled and then bested by the dumbest bunny in the politcal hutch? Doesn’t that make the red diaper babies of hopey-changiness therefore dumber than Dubya or more incompetent? 

The huffin’ and puffin’ pilgrims of post-partisanship obviously missed the oxygen tent but isn’t there a new doctor on call in the White House? Of course, he’s “all smock and no stethoscope” but he’s incubated some great remedies that he learned from George’s in-vitro research at the Oval Office ER. And we’re not talking about Clooney either, folks.

Steve Breen is riding in a red state ambulance trying to keep Uncle Sam from flatlining and is still “the best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office.” He can be reached at dulcamarax@yahoo.com