I love my cigar! The partaking of a fine Honduran panatela approaches near divinity especially while club hunting hope-and-change unicorns with my Tiger Woods 9 iron. The visceral connection between me and my Dominican torpedo is such a quintessential devotional to the empire of the senses that it leads me to celebrate the greatest gift that the Indians ever gave the white man.

OK, we took their land but they gave us lung cancer.

As far as a cigar’s health benefits, however, parking a Partagas el Presidente in one’s pie-hole didn’t seem to have hindered the life expectancies of Mark Twain (74), Fidel Castro (83), Sigmund Freud (83), Winston Churchill (90) or George Burns (100). I mean what would the near-immortal comic book hero Wolverine be without his adamantium claws and a half-chewed stogie pinched in his gritted maw?

I like to think that their longevity had something to do with cigars.

Excuse me, folks, but when you turn the car key on your ObamaMotors Global Warmer, your carbonized footprint is equivalent to 200 packs of cigarettes upon ignition while you slaughter polar bears on your self-absorbed trek to Whole Foods for organic Tuscan kale. So can you please explain to me that while I am imbibing a legally regulated biodegradable vegetable product that I am somehow considered a “criminal” in your preciously myopic world view?

Folks, liberty is not a manicured panoply of interactive functions on your iPhone. After all, you can’t fire up a fine Gurkha corona with an iPhone. Liberty, like smoking, is a very messy thing. It’s not perfect nor is it meant to be. It’s not for welfare weaklings nor affirmative-action crybabies, either. “Self-sufficiency” is the seneschal of liberty. It means bringing your own damn lighter and cutter to the smoke-out. With liberty you are free to move and excel in society with as little governmental encumbrance as possible. Equality just makes you as miserable as everybody else.

Unfortunately, this concept of “self-sufficiency” frightens the living Be-Jesus out of most liberals including the ones who actually believe in Be-Jesus!

But then again, where there’s smoke there’s friction, yes? And there is a whole lot of smoke and friction going on over at the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN). By now, many informed folks have now seen the undercover sting videos from the D.C., Baltimore, San Bernardino, New York City and San Diego offices of ACORN personnel who amply advised a faux pimp and his girlfriend-prostitute on how to circumvent federal law to acquire housing loans to set up a brothel for a baker’s dozen of (fictitious) illegal immigrant El Salvadoran girls. ACORN personnel were also videotaped on how to declare the girls as “dependents” under U.S. tax law as well as how to disguise and dispose of the financial proceeds of these underage “performing artists.”

Last week, the Senate and House voted to de-fund ACORN from liberally accessing any more federal monies for their skeezy enterprise. The vote was 345-75 in the House. The Senate vote was 83-7. This was the most “post-partisan vote” of any legislation ever enacted under the Obama administration. By comparison, the votes for Bush’s “No Child Left Behind Act 2001” was 381-41 in the House while the Senate smoldered in at 87-10.

Three local Congresscritters that voted “no” to de-fund ACORN were Democrats Maxine Waters, Diane Watson and Henry Waxman as well as the full membership of the Congressional Black Caucus and seven members of the Hispanic Caucus. Obviously they feel that child sex slavery and income tax evasion is a growth industry worthy of stimulation in their districts. And where is the conflagration of outrage from the National Organization of Women and Amnesty International who regularly blow smoke about women’s rights on Santa Monica street corners?

It is worth noting that our Community-Organizer-in-Chief was just as unaware that ACORN had received so much federal largesse ($52 million dollars since 1993) just as he was unaware that Bill Ayers was a terrorist, Tony Rezko was a crook, Van Jones was a Communist Truther wing-nut and that Jeremiah Wright just plain hates everybody not wearing a dashiki. Further note that our Community-Organizer-in-Chief has also been rather tepid in his condemnation of his former pals and employer.

After all, they did help him get elected as senator and president.

Is it an inconvenient truth that the president is more interested in burning CIA agents at the stake for protecting this country against Islamic jihadis rather than ordering Attorney General Holder to broil and smoke out a self-outed criminal enterprise under the RICO Act?

If this doesn’t light your fire for liberty, ladies and gentlemen, then what will?

Steve Breen invokes that if smoking is not allowed in heaven then he won’t go and is still “the best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office” He can be reached at dulcamarax@yahoo.com.

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