Right after I had my son, I went to my good friend’s wedding. This wedding had been stressing me out for some time. I had gained 52 pounds (yes 52 on my 5-foot,4-inch frame) and in the two to three months since, I had lost just less than 30 of it. I thought an ex-boyfriend of mine was going to be there and though tremendously happy with my husband, when you bump into an ex, you like to look your best and get them to think twice about that break-up. I was relieved when I learned he was not attending and I squeezed myself into my Spanx and put on a flowing black dress and readied myself for a good time.

Then I bumped into an old friend during cocktail hour. “How are you,” he asked after we hugged hello.

“Great,” I said as I took my husband’s hand eager to introduce them. “We just had a baby!”

“Oh,” he said, “that explains … .” And then I could see him trying to swallow his words, his mind racing, his body pausing, the mistake he was making and trying to fix, “why you look so happy.”

It was a nice attempt at a cover, but I knew what he meant to say was, “That explains why you look so fat.”

It was horrifying and we stayed on opposite sides of the wedding for most of the night. But the thing was, I was fat. He just didn’t hold his tongue fast enough. I gained too much weight in pregnancy, so much so that I had to do physical therapy for my feet after because they hurt so much from carrying that much around on my little frame.

I have always struggled with my weight, but never in such a grand scale way. When you are small and petite, a few pounds show. But now it was more than a few pounds.

My son is 3 now and I have lost most of it, but not all. There are reasons why I can’t shed all the weight and am not in the best shape. But they will just sound like excuses. But my son’s special needs took precedence over my vanity and then this year happened. It has been a hard year. There was a death in the family and I have had several miscarriages. With each one, I found comfort in my friend’s chocolate cake, my son’s mac-n-cheese, lattes at The Coffee Bean.

I will not dwell on how many pounds, for when my mother, who is the tiniest little thing, complains about the 1-2 pounds she is trying to lose, my eyes glaze over. I know they are important numbers to her, but when you are trying to lose 10 pounds, that seems like nothing. So it is fair to say my 10 pounds may seem eye-roll worthy to others. But we all have the same desire — to feel healthy, fit and above all, adorable. And I haven’t felt adorable in awhile. And I like feeling adorable.

The time has come to get serious, because I am tired of my clothes not fitting. I am tired of being tired. I want to take back the energy that was drained from me this year. I want to be the healthiest I can be as I attempt another pregnancy.

So I approached Laura Hebert from Santa Monica Sweat. I took her boot camp at the beach last year three times a week for six weeks and though it was at 7 a.m. I was usually bouncing out the door to go. I felt great. Then I got pregnant, and then, well, you know what happened. So now she is training me twice a week with a partner. Full disclosure, Laura is doing a trade out with me. She’ll train me and I’ll write about it here.

So I have signed back up for Weight Watchers and I am hoping Laura and Santa Monica Sweat (www.santamonicasweat.com) will be the kick in the pants I need. Laura is not a screamer. She trains like a friend, and is gentle and therefore I don’t want to skimp. That works for me. I want to do what she asks of me. I will take it very seriously because I want to report back to you about my success. But when I stumble, as I am sure I will, I’ll tell you about that too.

I am not original in my desire to lose weight or in my struggle. This will be my story as I try to get back in shape and I thank you in advance for letting me tell you about it here, because I don’t think any of us want to bump into an old friend and feel less than we once were, even if it is from something wonderful like having a baby.

Pregnancy to nursing to being up all night rock-bottom tired, has affected my body. I am proud that my body made my son and nourished him, but there is no baby there now, and it shouldn’t look like there is.

Rachel Zients Schinderman lives in Santa Monica with her family. She can be reached at Rachel@mommiebrain.com. If you have an exercise class that you think would help her lose those dreaded last 10 pounds, send an e-mail and maybe she’ll write about it.

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