While sitting on a wooden chair in front of a typewriter to keep big brother from seeing what I am typing, with an aluminum foil hat on my head to keep out mind control waves, I’ll take a moment to share my secret knowledge of conspiracies.

It seems the act of questioning the accepted truth earns you the label of conspiracy theorist. To the mindless lemmings of the “1984” George Orwell type, simply asking questions is unacceptable. When did this happen? Maybe the reason why I think outside the box is because the water I used to drink in Santa Monica lacked silicofluorides and made us less susceptible to the government’s mind control rays.

A few years ago our leaders decided to start dumping silicofluorides into Santa Monica’s drinking water. Why did they do this? I don’t remember any protesters demanding fluoride. I don’t remember reading any study that showed the children of Santa Monica having dental problems. So when have you ever heard of any corporation doing something for free because they like us? Keep in mind that silicofluoride is a toxic waste and is not the same as natural occurring calcium fluoride. By the way, call the poison center if you eat a tube of toothpaste. The number is on the tube.

I learned in school that President Lincoln fought the Civil War to free the slaves. Later I learned that he also urged the passing of the first 13th Amendment that made slavery a Constitutionally protected right. If you read Lincoln’s inaugural address, he states that slavery is acceptable but will go to war if the South does not pay its taxes. The Confederate president, Jefferson Davis, said in his inaugural speech that they’ll fight unfair taxes levied on the South but he doesn’t mention slavery. So why aren’t we taught that the Civil War was really about tax collection?

Nine formal investigations set out to determine if President Roosevelt had advanced knowledge of the Japanese surprise attack on Pearl Harbor, Dec. 7, 1941. A week before the attack, on Nov. 30, 1941, the headline of the Sunday paper of the Honolulu Advertiser reads “Japanese May Strike Over Weekend!” If you’re in Hawaii, go ask for it at the main library or the paper’s archives. On Nov. 28, 1941, Adm. Halsey mobilized his aircraft carriers. In his testimony to the Hart Inquiry in 1944 he said, “I tried to make full preparations for combat.” He never answered who gave him authority to go to war. How did this get left out of my history book? It does not sound like a surprise to me.

According to the Washington Post, “… it seems they don’t have the plans on how they built the moon ships … and no one is left working for NASA that remembers how they did it … .” So what happened to the original footage of the moon landings? Richard Nafzger, an engineer with NASA states, “Right now, I would have to tell you their fate is pretty much a mystery.” So let me get this straight. After spending $22 billion dollars to send men to the moon, we’ve lost all of the plans, schematics, and original footage?

We went to the moon six times, yet NASA just spent $445 million dollars to slam a rocket into the surface? What did we do when we went last time? NASA says it will take at least 14 years to go back to the moon. So why is it that Americans in 1961, armed with slide rules and the computing power of an iPod, and no prior space flight experience, were able to go to the moon in eight years, but today it would take us 14 years?

I don’t know which side is craziest: the Birthers that say President Obama is Canadian or the Anti-Birthers that deny that something is going on. Let’s face it, even if the Birthers are right, I’m confident my president could find someone to create a birth record that proves he is Dick Cheney’s long lost Hawaiian brother. Each suit filed gets dismissed when the judge realizes how career limiting this subject is. It costs $10 to have the state of Hawaii send a court your official long form birth record. According to the Federal Election Commission, Barack Obama has paid the law firm of Perkins & Cole $1.94 million dollars to avoid answering a $10 question. Transparency?

According to President Bush, we had to attack “The Iraq” to get the WMDs. We later determined they did not have any WMDs. Yet, even after we elected a Democratic super majority in both houses of Congress and a Democratic president who campaigned on getting us out of war by July 2010, we are sending more troops into harms way? Conspiracy or stupidity?

I don’t claim to have the answers to these questions, but I hope I’ve given you reasons to question the motives of our leaders, scientists, historians and crazy writers like myself. Don’t be a lemming; please legally and peacefully question authority.

David Alsabery is a high-performance driving instructor and all around nice guy. He can be reached at alsabery@gmail.com.

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