For centuries, the first day of the year has symbolized time for fresh starts and turning over a new leaf. (Assuming something’s wrong with the old leaf.) Personally, I’m terrible at keeping New Year’s resolutions. Apparently, I’m not alone.
Gyms nationwide report that January is their greatest month for recruiting new members. After partying and gorging their way through the holidays, everyone is suddenly “gung ho” to get their bodies ready for the beach. Except, in January much of the country is as warm as a freezer. By March gym statistics show that many of the newly converted stop coming altogether. In a few months, new members go from gung ho to ho hum.
I’m sharing my New Year’s resolutions in the hope that if I put it in writing, I stand a better chance of keeping them. Top on my list is having my carpets steam cleaned. I know that sounds like no big deal but, trust me, it is. I could write an entire column on it. Be thankful that I’m not.
Suffice it to say, just the thought of moving all the furniture to get the apartment ready to have the carpets cleaned is enough to make me want to take a nap.
The other resolution is actually in response to emails I’ve gotten from readers during the past eleven months. The time frame should be a clue. Actually, it’s more like sixteen months. Obviously, I’m talking about Donald Trump whom I’ve been railing about since that escalator ride in Trump Tower where he announced his candidacy.
Speaking of that infamous day, it’s been documented that Trump paid unemployed actors $50 a head to appear like rabid supporters. How fitting, if Trump engages us in a nuclear war of “fire and fury like the world has never seen,” as he put it, that it all will have started with central casting. (“Fire and Fury” is the title of a Michael Wolff book authorized by Trump in which senior White House “daycare” staffers allegedly call him “Stupid, a dope, a moron and no more than semi-literate.” And those were the nicer quotes.)
You’d think my anti-Trump rants would be cathartic. They’re not. I’ve come to view Trump as the ultra-evil villain in a super hero movie who can’t be killed short of a stake through the heart. And yet, in response to many reader emails I’ve resolved to try to be kinder toward Donald Trump, though he doesn’t make it easy.
One such reader is Vicky in Sunset Park who emailed I “should give Trump a chance.” In my opinion, the past eleven months has been eleven too many but will nonetheless summarize some of Vicky’s views.
Before I do, I have a trivia question for her and other pro-Trump readers. In Obama’s eight years, how many in his administration were: A. indicted B. Convicted C. Sent to prison? The answer … NONE! (Obama is the first POTUS since Watergate not to have a single person indicted.)
Of course Richard Nixon holds the record with 76 indictments, 55 convictions and 15 prison sentences. Trump has a long way to catch up but with 4 indictments and two guilty pleas and Bob Mueller working tirelessly, he’s off to an “excellent” start.
Among Trump’s virtues, according to Vicky, is that he loves his family dearly. I suppose he loves his kids, though I’m not sure about Tiffany. He looks at her with a
“I know you from, where?” No so for Ivanka about whose beauty Trump infamously said on The View, “If she wasn’t my daughter, I’d probably be dating her.” (Eww!) When the audience gasped, Trump replied innocently, “Was that wrong?” Nauseous, Joy Behar asked, “Who are you,Woody Allen?”
More family, have you ever seen Trump hug poor Barron? As for Melania, l remember when she slapped The Donald’s hand away as they arrived in Israel? Apparently, they have separate bedrooms so she can sleep and he can eat cheeseburgers and go on Twitter tirades.
Vicky also notes that Trump is “strong.” Really? So strong he never admits a mistake? She also points out how much he loves the military. (Unless you get taken prisoner as he prefers his heroes “not captured.”)
Anyone else notice that the two Gold Star families Trump insulted were of color? So much for Trump’s self-serving declaration, “I’m the least prejudiced person you’ll ever meet.” The only place that might be true would be at a KKK rally.
As I’m writing, apparently Trump just tweeted to Kim Jung-Un, “My nuclear button is bigger than yours.” That’s not even remotely funny. (Which is how some may describe this column.)
I guess I already broke the “be kinder to Trump” New Year’s resolution. I only hope I don’t flake out on the carpet cleaning.
Jack is at facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and firstname.lastname@example.org