Last week I demonstrated in my illiberal “Star Trek” movie review that only conservatives exist as the movers, shakers and rocket ship makers of the future. This week I will regale you with my conservative re-imagineering of “Terminator: Salvation.”

A number of points are evidently perforce to my argument. Popular uprisings against an entrenched and implacable foe is not only the stuff of future conservative legends but is also written in the historical blood of our founding fathers. Liberal nebbishes are unfamiliar with such methods of direct action because “revolutions” frequently employ the use of firearms. Unlike the founding fathers who formed their own “Resistance” against the depredations of English tyrants, many post modern metrosexual Obama-bots are merely self-emasculating gun control advocates whose nearest fantasy association with a firearm is no more relevant than a Wii video game. 

“There is no fate but what we make”

— John Connor, leader of the Resistance

Today, Iranians are remaking their fate. Is it an inconvenient truth that the monolithic Islamic theocracy of Iran is shooting and killing its own people wholesale with the intent of stifling what our own Teleprompter-in-Chief has doofusly coined as a “robust debate?” Is it another inconvenient truth that while it’s blatantly obvious President Obama doesn’t want to upset the mullahs or his man-crush, President Ahmadinnerjacket, would it be too much to ask our Dear Leader to take a principled stand for civil and human rights? I’m sure the U.S. gay and lesbian community can vouchsafe for president Obama’s commitment to their own Resistance against “Prop. H8” as an example of predictably precedent behavior.

President Obama has blatantly missed his “John Connor opportunity,” formerly known as the “3 a.m. moment,” with respect to the new Iranian Revolution 2.0. Rather than cowboy up as the future “Leader of the Resistance,” or more historically as “Leader of the Free World,” Obama has illustrated the consummate impotence of his feckless community-organizer based bipolar belief system while France [FRANCE?!] takes the moral high ground in the international condemnation of Basij thuggery. But then again such is the cold metallic political calculus of ethical cowardice. A machine has no morality. Just ask Obama’s plutoed programmer and mentor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Maybe Hillary should tweet the president that the tussle in Tehran isn’t just another hopey-changey post-Lakers game street brawl. 

Let’s not forget that on May 18, 2008, candidate Barack Hussein Obama claimed that Iran was a “tiny country” (of 66 million) and “posed no threat” (see nuclear capability) yet President Barack Hussein Obama now diminishes American prestige while endangering the very Muslim kinship that he scatologically downloads for his own browser capability. 

For now, the Iranian mullah-cratic “Machines” are still in charge. In the meantime our newbie president is busily playing golf, doing cozy dinner dates with the little missus and purchasing capsized auto companies with your tax dollars while installing foreign policy wankware to see which Persian performance platform has a meltdown first. Is it just me or is the president operating within the artificial intelligence of his own reality distortion field? If our Blackberry president started twittering to catch up on world events and stop googling himself, he might acquire some new voters from Iran for his 2012 re-election rather than have his corrupto-bots from ACORN manufacture them from the U.S. Census listservs of pro-football player rosters, Black Panther pizza delivery boys and graveyard headstones.

After all, it’s said that the revolution would be televised on ABC right after the Obamacare infomercial so, stay tuned boys and girls!

I seem to recall that Ron Reagan came up swinging from the deck for Poland during Lech Walesa’s Solidarity movement in ‘81 while short-circuiting Leonid Brezhnev’s evil empire mainframe which eventually resulted in the cascade system failure of the USSR. And please note that Reagan didn’t bother saying “pretty please,” either, when suggesting to Mr. Gorbachev the dismantling of a particularly onerous wall. Please further note that Reagan also appeared wholly unconcerned that his commentary was not cluster-funk buzzword-compliant either. 

Conservatives know what’s right, do it and then worry about the popularity polls later. Voting “nay” as a bloc on the Porkzilla Act immediately leaps to memory. 

Obama’s robo-sock puppet, Joe Biden, warned us that Obama would be challenged on the world stage during the first six months of his tenure. Unfortunately, our president has gotten rolled like an empty beer can under the wheels of a Skynet dump truck if his G20 and Cairo trips have been any benchmark of success. Hopefully, though, our coin-operated chief executive might someday put on his presidential man panties, pick up his teleprompter and start swatting mullahs like he swats flies. It’s so easy even a Republican can do it. 

Steve Breen is waiting for Judgement Day in 2012 when the humans take back the White House from the machines and is still “the best looking mailman in the U.S. Post Office”. He can be reached at dulcamarax@yahoo.com.