Re: Life Matters, “Losing my daughter, marriage,” June 27.
Dr. Barge was totally correct in her assessment of what was going on with the father who was enabling his drug addicted daughter. Especially, about Al-Anon and support groups.
This father needs a quick wake up call before he ends up killing his daughter. As a licensed alcohol and drug therapist for many years, I have seen this occur over and over and over, as has Dr. Barge.
By enabling his drug addict daughter with money, bail outs, etc., he is killing her as sure as if he injected her himself with the drugs he is providing to her by giving her money. She may say it’s for food, for rent, for transportation, etc., but they both know it’s for her next fix.
He does what he does because it makes him feel good — and his feeling good is at his daughter’s expense.
So, dad, what is more important, you feeling good or your daughter’s life?
Let her hit rock bottom. And if she has to go to jail, let her. At least you’ll know where she is and she’s not doing drugs.
I heard many an addict, many an alcoholic say that their sobriety began when everyone around them stopped enabling them. One man said his father always took him in, gave him money, etc., until one night he knocked on his father’s door and when his father came to the door, he looked at him and said, “I don’t have a son” and slammed the door in his face. He said that was the beginning of his turning his life around. So do it.