Bill Clinton was a Rhodes Scholar. Obama was a constitutional law professor. By many accounts, Donald Trump is semi-literate. With Presidents Day on Monday, maybe Darwin was wrong?

Evidently, Trump doesn’t read Presidential Daily Briefings. No big deal. If something absolutely has to be read, his staff inserts his name in every paragraph to stimulate his attention. I had a dog like that once. If you’d whisper his name, his ears would perk up.

Trump’s chaos presidency is breaking records. The 34% White House staff turnover is double Reagan’s. It’s triple Obama’s. And if/when General Kelly becomes toast, Trump will set a new low bar!

The latest scandal forced White House Staff Secretary, Rob Porter to resign. Ironically, he was about to be promoted to Assistant Chief of Staff. That is until credible accusations of domestic abuse from two ex-wives. In addition to graphic details, from his second ex was a restraining order and from the first the horrific photo of her black eye. (No photo, Porter’s still in the White House!)

Four times the FBI warned the White House and denied Porter Security Clearance. And yet for over a year, he was handling highly classified materials. In fact, there may be as many as 130 staffers without Full Security Clearances. Sarah Sanders’ rambling defense of the conflicting stories is painful to watch.

Among those without full clearance is Jared Kushner. The ‘Boy Wonder” had to update his Disclosure of Foreign Contacts (SF86) multiple times. Apparently, there were 100 contacts from twenty foreign countries that slipped his mind.

Complimenting Porter, Trump hoped he has a great career ahead. Meanwhile, he referred to the ex-wives claims as “mere allegations.”

Trump has defended Roy Moore, Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly and convicted rapist Mike Tyson, stressing “due process.” And yet, in 1989, Trump, even before the trial, took out a full-page ad calling for the death penalty for the all-minority Central Park Five.

And after years in prison, when the five were exonerated by DNA and a confession from the actual rapist, Trump never admitted he was wrong. (Much like his birther b.s.)

For a few laughs, let’s leave domestic violence, the Russian investigation, obstruction of justice, money laundering and possible nuclear war with N. Korea. Instead, let’s turn to the latest with porn star Stormy Daniels.

Under “They expect us to believe this?” Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal attorney, says he paid the $130,000 to Stormy a week before the election, out of his own pocket! If you buy that, you might have gone to Trump U.

And now, Trump’s bizarre hair, which turns out to be as dishonest as everything else about our plump POTUS. To summarize: Last week Donald Trump’s hair met a stiff wind and lost badly.

Trump was walking gingerly up the steps to Air Force One when suddenly the back of his head changed appearance like a horror movie right before our eyes. The wind started separating hair from skin and suddenly the back of Trump’s dome was as bald as a baby’s bottom. (Albeit, a 71-year-old baby.)

The gobs of hairspray and bobby pins were no match. With his stringy hair flying wildly in the air, Trump looked like comedian Professor Irwin Corey. (Except Professor Corey wouldn’t be caught dead with orange face makeup and white lip gloss.)

Trump is afraid of sharks and having his food poisoned. (He loves fast food because “They don’t know I’m coming ahead of time.”) Apparently, he fears revealing his bald spots. He spends 90 minutes a day doing his hair in such a manner as to hide them. (Add 12 diet Cokes and four hours of Fox News and that’s a full day.)

And yet, even with all Trump’s careful coiffing, one strong gust of wind and voila, the ghost of Professor Corey. (Passed last year at age 102!)

It’s said those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it. As I write this, we’ve just had another horrific mass school shooting. The 18th this year or one every three days! Trump tweeted his standard “thoughts and prayers,” and gave a prepared speech. Somehow he never really speaks to our hearts, only our hate. And what happened to his Inaugural “The carnage stops now!”?

There have been no policy proposals as Trump doesn’t dare offend the gun lobby. If we care about gun violence, former Republican Congressman David Jolly says, “We must flip the House to the Democrats as Republicans will never do it.” But the orange, balding elephant in the room squats in the way.

Despite overwhelming evidence, Trump still denies Russian interference in the 2016 elections. He calls it a hoax and says, “It could have been a 400-pound guy in his mother’s basement.” Only months away, the mid-terms are clearly in jeopardy.

If you can, have a happy President’s Day.

Google“Professor Irwin Corey” & “Trump’s Hair Force One.” Jack is at jackdailypress@aol.com

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