Tuesday will mark Donald Trump’s first State of the Union (SOTU.) I can hardly wait. If that sounds a little sarcastic, actually it’s a lot sarcastic. By the latest count, Trump has told 2200 “falsehoods” during his first year in office. One could say the mendacity began with “birtherism” but it also included he couldn’t show his tax returns because of “the IRS audit,” that obviously was totally bogus.

Early on there was “Mexico will pay for the wall” (aka American taxpayers) and “I had no involvement in Russia,” while lobbying for a Trump Tower in Moscow. And then Sean Spicer’s angry, “This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration – period!” (For some hearty laughs, Google “Triumph Attends Trump’s Inauguration.”)

Speaking of the SOTU, I’m hoping the gallery of the Senate and House includes a few unexpected guests. One I had in mind is Stephanie Clifford, AKA Stormy Daniels, exotic dancer and porn star. (Every woman in adult movies are porn “stars?” All are stars? Oh, well.)

Stormy is the woman with whom thrice-married, admitted adulterer Donald Trump had an affair in 2006, only months after Melanie gave birth to Barron. Recently revealed is the $130,000 Stormy was paid by Trump attorney, Michael Cohen, to keep her quiet, a week before the 2016 election. Yikes!

It’s been documented that Cohen set up an LLC from which he made the payment to Stormy. Since it’s possible the $130,000 was a contribution that may violate campaign finance laws. In the meantime, Stormy’s career is skyrocketing. Or, as late night talk show Jimmy Kimmel put it, “She’s making American horny again.”

In 2016, the $130k was to buy Stormy’s silence but she was under no such “gag” order in 2011. (Forgive me, but “gag order” seems apropos when imagining Trump having sex.)

Stormy’s 2011 interview about her Trump tryst is now online. I will spare you the details but, among other “low-lights,” she revealed that he greeted her in his hotel room wearing pajamas. (I wonder if he had on a hat?) When Stormy asked about Melania, Trump said, “Don’t worry about her.” Later in the evening Donald told her she reminded him of Ivanka. (Yuck!)

Stormy also revealed that Trump is obsessively afraid of sharks. Weird because it’s not like Trump is a scuba diver. For that matter, can you picture Trump in a wet suit? (Sorry for that visual.)

Maybe Trump’s fear is realistic because, given his girth, to a shark he might appear to a be a sea lion. Lastly, Stormy revealed that Donald insisted she spank him with a Forbes Magazine, which featured his corpulent face on the cover. And he’s our Commander in Chief? Good grief.

With #Me Too so prevalent, it’d be poetic justice if the 20 women who’ve accused Trump of sexual misconduct were also in the SOTU gallery. (Trump was Weinstein before Weinstein.)

I’d also like to see in the audience the Gold Star parents, Khizr and Ghazala Khan, and the Gold Star widow, Myeisha Johnson, both of whom Trump had to insult because he’s so vengeful. “I was very respectful to her,” Trump bragged referring to Myeisha, as if he deserved brownie points for being human.

Respectful? What an arrogant moron. (Quoting Lenny Bruce, “Hope I’m not out of line.”) Like Trump doesn’t realize the FBI doesn’t work for him and that generals aren’t, as he puts it, “my generals,” Trump clearly doesn’t understand HE works for Myeisha Johnson!

Compassionate, empathetic are what he should have felt, assuming he’s capable of genuine feelings other than rage. Mrs. Johnson lost her husband, the father of her two young children, on the battlefield in service to the country and yet Trump boasted that he was very respectful? (As Bill Maher joked at the time, “I’d say Trump hit a new low but you’d just think this show is a repeat.”)

One Santa Monican who’ll be at the SOTU is Trump Senior Adviser, “Little” Stevie Miller, 32, a Samohi grad. In fact, the L.A. Times described Miller, “During high school he was the best-known and least-liked conservative.”

At 16, Miller once wrote, “ Osama Bin Laden would feel very welcome at Samohi.” He was also was remembered for telling Latino classmates to speak only English and for refusing to pick up his trash, “That’s what we have janitors for.” Seemingly, Miller hasn’t changed.

Personally, I won’t watch the SOTU as Trump’s bloviating makes me nauseous. If, however, I knew Stormy was in the gallery, I’d tune in. And Trump might actually like it because of his perverse obsession with ratings.

Reportedly, as with the twenty female accusers, Trump says he never even met Stormy. To jog his memory, while sitting in the gallery, she could always hold up the Forbes Magazine.

Jack is at facebook.com/jackneworth, twitter.com/jackneworth and jackdailypress@aol.com

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