It’s been a week since we’ve stepped back from the Thanksgiving trenches but your fridge still has, in all likelihood, plenty of leftovers to graze upon until they become next week’s Tupperware bio-warfare experiments.
Last week’s Rasmussen poll reported that only 53 percent of American’s are more thankful this year than compared with the 86 percent reported at this same time last year. If I’m not mistaken, Dubya was still president then.
Praying to Jesus has come to Santa Monica like a Baptist preacher’s fire-and-brimstone broadside since Black Friday’s mercantile madness. I heard all kinds of prayers on the Third Street Promenade last Friday like, “Jesus, I hope I have a job next year to pay for this crap!” and “Christ, look at the price for this thing!” as well as “Oh God, does this dress make me look fat?” Looks like there’ll be more cases of Post Traumatic Shopping Disorder after January than you can shake a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes at.
Other results from Rasmussen’s poll indicate that the greeting “Merry Christmas” is making a comeback despite the distemper from Jesus-hating hippies of Hopeychangistan. Rasmussen’s polling states that 72 percent of adults prefer a hearty “Merry Christmas” over the more limpid “Happy Holidays.” Is it an inconvenient truth that 91 percent of Republicans and 70 percent of independents favor “Merry Christmas” over Democrats, who grinched in at a scroogey 58 percent?
Did you know that Best Buy, which has had a 3-year-old policy against saying “Merry Christmas,” recently posted an Islamic “Merry Eid-al-Adha” on their Thanksgiving flyer before the sacred shopping season of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Google up Eid-al-Adha. Will someone please explain to me what’s so “merry” about a human sacrifice to your imaginary friend to demonstrate your obedience? Folks, the meanest thing Jesus ever did was overturn the financial system at the Temple of Jerusalem. We could use Him now over at Citibank and AIG.
Now I am probably the most lapsi-daisical of lapsed Catholics, but I would say that my superior smart-alecky Catholic prep school education has been both a blessing for me and an irritant for my many critics. My parents presciently recognized the roiling stupidity that nominates itself as “public education” and worked hard to see I was better educated exponentially from a better class of teachers so I didn’t grow up believing in some quasi-religious BS like global warming. Thank God, I’m a sword swinging Buddhist!
Is it an inconvenient truth that the Jesus-haters in this country who go ballistically bulimic over the religious miracles of our dominant Christian culture are also the same spiritually superior all-vegan rainbow unicorn light-workers who attend overpriced yoga classes while incoherently mumbling pseudo-sanskrit gobbledygook before the statue of an elephant man-god that dances upon the back of a mouse?
Speaking of messiahs. Do you know the difference between Jesus and Obama? Jesus could build a cabinet.
And Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over? According to this past Sunday’s NY Times, the commander-in-least has continued the Bush-era usage of CIA-styled “black sites” in Afghanistan for detaining and interrogating those pesky Talibani although, from leaked reports, his dribbling around for the last eight months on a troop surge was to allegedly polish up an “exit strategy.” OK, how does one prepare for both victory and retreat at the same time, hmm? Try this for an exit strategy: “We win, they lose.” So simple even a community organizer could do it! Gen. Patton once quipped that “… a good strategy applied with vigor today is better than a perfect strategy applied at some indefinite point in the future.”
And for those of you inclined to exhibit a more demonstrative “thank you” in gratitude befitting our armed forces other than a magnetic bumper sticker on your car, throw some of your Christmas shopping money to the USO. Another good humanitarian organization is Soldier’s Angels where you get to adopt a soldier in the field. You write to them regularly and send them goodies. Think, “pretty nifty feel-good time.” I prefer the “Adopt-a-Sniper” program from the American Snipers Association. They deliver long-distance “Merry Christmas” messages to jihadis so you don’t have to!
Google them up, sign up and/or donate. Show them that you’re willing to give more than just verbally produced greenhouse gaseousness. A lot of them weren’t home for Thanksgiving or be home for Christmas … again.
I want to personally thank my son and my wife as well. Nate’s heading off to Afghanistan after two tours of Iraq while my sweetie pie, Lisa, is still in boot camp and will probably ship to the Middle East in the next several months.
Merry Christmas from the Breen family.
Steve Breen loves leftovers and is still “the best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office.” He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.