Two weeks ago I watched with sadistic mirth as the Democrats in Wonderland squeaked down their rabbit hole on PelosiCare. Nothing was funnier than watching the Rainbow Unicorn Party, led by Red Queen Nancy Pelosi, poke each other’s “ayes” out while the Republicans calmly handicapped dead pool bets over who will rule in the kingdom of the blind and stupid. Now Mad Hatter Harry Reid and his homies are having an internecine aneurysm over how to reconcile this health care hornswoggle that has now landed on their party table DOA.

It’s rumored that the new death panel czar will be Jack Kevorkian while their patron saint is Hannibal Lecter.

You know, nothing squeals “open and transparent” like an unread 1,990-page legislative lollygag passed in the dead of night while Democrats hid behind closed doors during congressional cloak room deal-making. This hefty health care doorstop tips the scale at a hulking 9 pounds and is 650 pages longer than HillaryCare. And nobody really knows how much this bloated sow is going to cost.

Folks, I work for a federal bureaucracy. You’re all hosed.

As for the political nearsightedness of those Democrat “ayes” on PelosiCare, the chilly electoral geometry in 2010 appears like a rigorous rearrangement of the deck chairs on the Titanic just before the iceberg hits. Everybody’s just galloping to the gunwales for a good seat. I understand Celine Dion will be singing the new DNC anthem, “Row, row, row your boat.”

Is it an inconvenient truth that Republicans submitted 11 amendments that would compel not only both houses of Congress but the president, his cabinet as well as the Supreme Court justices to be the first enrollees to PelosiCare? So why were all 11 amendments killed by the Democrat cabal in committee? Folks, if this health care plan is so “Hello, Kitty!” delicious, then why aren’t the homunculi of hopey-changitude demonstrating true leadership and quaffing the Kool-Aid that they have ginned up for the rest of us?

Take abortion as an example.

First of all, federally-funded abortion on demand is not “health care” which the politically expedient Stupak amendment hopes to preclude. Secondly, as a practicum, one can’t very well discern the health care requirements of an aborted fetus. During the House debate, one droning Democrat suffering from Restless Lip Syndrome drooled that only PelosiCare could lower the U.S. infant mortality rate as if the U.S. was some Third World leper colony. Therefore, according to liberal illogic, shall we the taxpayers now fund the killing of unborn babies in order to lower the infant mortality rate?

OK, so how big of a bowl of stupid do you have to eat in the morning to be elected to Congress? Are Democrats overdosing? Democrats can’t stomach waterboarding 9/11 bung-hole Khalid Sheikh Mohammed but they sure can make the easy “choice” to slaughter unborn American children. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is guilty of the deaths of 2,995 people on 9/11. Liberal Democrats support, as a matter of principle, the abortion deaths of 3,700 U.S. children per day.

Who’s the terrorist here?

According to oxymoronic liberal logic, health care is supposedly a nebulously inferred “unalienable right” akin to the very explicitly expressed Second Amendment. If I accept, prima facie, that public health care is an inferred constitutional “right,” then will one of you socialist meat-monkeys out there in the Bozo-Zone explain to me as to why PelosiCare can subject any individual “… to civil and criminal penalties, including criminal fines of up to $250,000 and imprisonment up to five years” if that individual doesn’t purchase a health care policy?

Let me get this straight, if I choose to not exercise my inferred and “unalienable right,” which no government can either give or deny, I can now be prosecuted, fined and jailed under PelosiCare by my non-participation? Therefore, by that theorem, then all individuals not in possession of a firearm can also be prosecuted, fined and jailed for not exercising their explicit and unalienable Second Amendment rights. That scenario puts just about everybody in Santa Monica right in the slammer!

Awesome. No lines at Starbucks!

And spare me the argument that it’s like getting car insurance. Owning an automobile is not an “unalienable right,” folks, regardless of whatever any teenager claims.

Lastly, PelosiCare will provide funding for sex reassignment and elective cosmetic surgery so that you can look like either Perez Hilton or Carrie Prejean at taxpayer expense. Wow! This is the sex change/boob job we’ve been waiting for! As currently passed, PelosiCare promises dead babies, handcuffs and indoor/outdoor plumbing retrenchment!

If the “devil is in the details” then PelosiCare is the penultimate one-way governmental express train to Satan’s outhouse. And don’t forget folks, when dealing with a governmental outhouse, there’s always a lot of paperwork involved!

Steve Breen says “an apple a day keeps PelosiCare away,” and is still the “best looking mailman at the U.S. Post Office.” He can be reached at dulcamarax@yahoo.com.

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