Last week I wrote about Mel Gibson’s phone calls to his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva. This week Gibson’s lawyers and PR staff are spinning faster than at an aerobics class. They’re alleging that the tapes may have been altered and perhaps it wasn’t even Mel’s voice. Maybe it was Rich Little? He could certainly use the work.
Surprisingly, I received a huge number of e-mails from all over the country courtesy of Google. Many were from women angry at moi. Christine, a reader in New Jersey, (now, probably a former reader), wrote, “Why don’t you leave Mel alone? He’s just an actor.” There’s a John Wilkes Booth joke there somewhere that fortunately I’m going to overlook.
Christine was also upset that I criticized Mel’s father, Hutton and his views that the Holocaust was “mostly fiction.” (Exactly how I felt about the Warren Report.) She asserted that, since my parents were born in the U.S., I have no right to complain. That’s even more absurd than “Mel is just an actor.”
Julie, my neighbor, is convinced that “Oksana goaded Mel to get money out of him.” Mel’s calls are like a Rorschach test, everyone sees something different. Fox News quotes Michael Sands, a Hollywood image consultant, “We all know Mel is a childish name caller but that’s very different than being a violent monster.” Childish name caller? Gee, that’s almost cute
Jeff e-mailed, “Mel goes berserk sometimes, he doesn’t kill people, except on the big screen.” I pointed out that Phil Spector didn’t kill people either, that is, until that one time when he did! But it was only once.
Fox News I could understand, but even Whoopi Goldberg has come to Mel’s defense. He’s not a racist and because she’s a black woman she should know. Whoopi, can we at least agree that an adult who uses the N-word and other racial slurs just may have some “issues?”
Frankly, I don’t know why Mel hasn’t been arrested for making “terrorist threats.” I phoned the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department with that question, but I’m still on hold.
Mel was required by the sheriff, however, to turn over his handguns while Oksana was required to turn over her iPhone. One could kill you, the other could take an unflattering photo, which in Hollywood could be just as bad.
Mel’s response to Oksana’s charge that he punched her while she was holding their child is still haunting. A la Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men,” an out of breath Gibson shouted, “Oh, you’re all angry now? Well you know what, you f***ing deserved it!” Childish name-calling or Exhibit A? And tape no. 6 is even worse. Hopefully it’s the last.
Mel and Oksana are currently in Family Law Court regarding custody of Lucia, their 8-month-old daughter. Levity aside, that child is starting off life as a pawn in a shameful modern day tragedy.
Not quite so serious, (unless you’re a season ticket holder) Jamie and Frank McCourt are also in Family Court. The two are fighting over “custody” of the Dodgers, with we fans being the neglected children. I say the McCourts should rotate taking us all to Disneyland every weekend.
L.A. Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon warned the parties that if they didn’t stop bickering over money, that he will consider a forced sale of the Dodgers. Here’s a thought. Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, who failed to “buy” LeBron, is moving the New Jersey Nets to Brooklyn in 2012. He could buy the Dodgers and relocate back to Brooklyn under the theory of the “right of return.” (I didn’t say it was a funny thought, just a thought.)
Frank and Jamie are likely tied with Donald Sterling as the most reviled owners of an L.A. pro team. The Dodgers are a storied franchise whereas the Clippers are a storied punchline to a bad joke. Given their current roster the Clipper Curse may change this year. I’ve said that so often before that I don’t even believe myself anymore.
Win or lose, 3,000,000 L.A.-area fans faithfully stream through Dodger Stadium turnstiles ever year. Seemingly ungrateful, McCourt commented, “Why would I spend $150 million to win 98 games when I can spend half that to win our division?”
Frank, dummkopf. One, the chances of the Dodgers winning the division is fading faster than the Lindsay Lohan’s acting career. Two, it’s OK that you have cheapskate thoughts but why insult Dodger fans by going public? Three, I guess I can forget my Dodger press pass?
The good news is that neither of the McCourts is making obscene, violence-laced phone calls to one another. The bad news is that I care more about my baseball team than I do Oksana. Hopefully, she’ll be fine. If only I could say the same for the Dodgers.
If Jack isn’t still on hold with the sheriff’s office, he can be reached at Jackneworth@yahoo.com.