Talk about a fall from grace. In the 1980’s, what with his #1 TV show and endless Jello commercials, Bill Cosby was “America’s dad.” Now, Cosby is “America’s perv.” (Ouch!)

Only days after Cosby’s aggravated indecent assault trial ended in a mistrial, his team announced a 5-city town hall type tour. The stops will include Chicago, Detroit and Philadelphia. But here’s the most absurd thing in an already absurd world. Reportedly, Cosby will lecture men on … how to avoid being charged with sexual assault! (After all, who has more experience?)

Going back to the 1960’s, over sixty women have accused Cosby of drugging and sexually assaulting them. I suppose that makes him an expert on the subject.

Regarding the so-called educational tour, Cosby’s PR person, Andrew Wyatt, said on Good Morning Alabama “Young men need to know what they’re facing — when they’re doing certain things they shouldn’t be doing.” If that’s the case, Cosby’s entire tour message could be summed up in one sentence, “Keep your zipper zipped and your drugs in the medicine cabinet.”

Another Cosby spokesperson, Ebonee Enson, added “It’s important for people to be educated. Laws are changing and the statute of limitations for victims of sexual assault are being extended.” (So, before you sexually assault someone check the calendar?)

Personally, I thought Ebonee’s most outrageous quote was, “These days a brush across the shoulder can be considered sexual assault.” I hope Ebonee is getting paid enough for her to go on national TV and make such an ignorant observation.

So, if Cosby is going to tour the country warning about sexual assault, what’s next? How about O.J. touring the country warning folks about committing murder? O.J. is scheduled for a parole hearing next month in Nevada and many feel he’ll be released as early as October. To me, that only means more of the reality circus that brought us a president who actually said, “Who knew health care could be so complicated?” Good grief.

O.J. infamously claimed he would devote his life to finding the real murderer of Nicole. (Try the mirror!) Recently he said that when he gets out he’s going to spend lots of time on the golf course. Apparently, O.J. thinks Nicole’s murderer might be a caddy.

Maybe Charles Manson could go on Skype and “educate” people about cult murder? Or Bernie Madoff could discuss the perils of Ponzi? (Madoff said recently he’s “more at peace now” than at any time in his life, which makes me wish Manson was his cell mate.)

While Cosby’s criminal trial ended in a mistrial, one might have thought he was found not guilty, given his celebratory response. Then again, even a few days before, Cosby was strangely playful. For his many supporters, as he was leaving the courthouse, he lapsed into an impromptu “Fat Albert.” He’s two votes away from 10-years in prison, and he’s doing Fat Albert? (Given the pain he’s caused so many, how does Cosby have supporters?)

And Cosby wasn’t the only one celebrating. Immediately after the mistrial was declared, Wyatt said ‎”Johnnie Cochran is looking down, smiling,” referring to the late lawyer, a Cosby ‎friend. Really? Looking down? Okay, but given that more Americans now think O.J. is a double-murderer than even during the trial, I’m not sure how smart if was of Wyatt to try to tug at our heartstrings with the memory of the late Johnnie Cochran.

Apparently, there’s been so much protest about Cosby’s tour, his PR people have shifted their story. Wyatt now says the tour is about Cosby’s reputation. “The legacy didn’t go anywhere. It has been restored.” Give me a break.

Something that does seem to be restored is Cosby’s sight. During the trial he was assisted on every step like he was Ray Charles. After, he was so giddy I thought he was going to do the now Cosby dance from the intro to his TV show.

I had tremendous empathy for Cosby’s wife, Camille, until her post trial statement blaming her husband’s problems on the “unethical D.A.” and the “arrogant Judge.” Camille, dear, when sixty women claim your husband drugged and sexually assaulted them, trust me, the problem is not the D.A.’s ethics.

Cosby is reportedly worth over $400 million. A divorce would make Camille worth over $200 million. More importantly, she wouldn’t have to drag herself to the litany of hubby’s upcoming criminal and civil trials. (The criminal re-trial could be within 120 days.)

Alas, poor Camille apparently drank the whole pitcher of Kool-Aid. As for Cosby, with enough lawyers, who knows if he gets off. As for us, despite the claim that Cosby’s legacy is restored, we can rest assured about one thing. We’ll never again have to see those annoying Pudding Pop commercials.

 

Jack can be reached at jackdailypress@aol.com.

 

 

 

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